I have not been eating much lately, mostly due to my recent and freqent lost of appetite, mood and the lazyness that creeps up on me during meal hours. I hardly even crave for anything anymore.
But when I do eat - or am forced to eat - my meals would mainly consist of mostly 'cow food', as my sister would call it, which is of lots and lots of green vegetables, herbal soups, wholemeal, muesli, cereal, salads and etcetera.
My friends think I am a lunatic, or maybe just an old lady because everytime I go out to have either lunch or dinner with them, I'd order a salad and a hot cup of green tea for myself while they carefreely indulge in anything but what I eat.
As for my Grandma's opinion in this whole paranoid eating routine of mine, well, she thinks I have lost my mind; she can't stand how picky I am with food these days.
I wouldn't blame her for feeling such annoyance towards my recent couldn't-care-less attitude for food because when I was younger, I was given the privillage to request for whatever I felt like eating (especially on my birthday) and Nanny would be more than happy to cook, to go all out for me. But now, I am just not bothered anymore. And she is sadly giving up.
There is a little wall piece that hangs in the corner of her kitchen; a saying she firmly stands by - "I am the queen of this kitchen. If you don't agree, STARVE."
I am starving alright; starving myself from heavenly food, that is. Weird, but hey, not jumping on the same wagon as most of my friends who call themselves Chocolate-lovers has already won me the title of being just plain weird so, shoot!
I think, though, that weird can be coupled with guilt to describe my love-hate relationship with food. Or maybe I am just paranoid.
"Eat to live". Yes, that's the saying I live by. A pity, maybe, but I don't mind.
P.S - Never have I dedicated an entry just to rant about food or my relationship with it. Cheers to a first and many more to come!
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