Dad, being the head of our home, declared the year 2010 a mountain of hardship and struggle. Of course it's going to be unbearably hard and tormenting, but I believe that if there is a will, there is a way. Cause' there is always going to be another mountain, it's only a matter of time for it to be right between our eyes. When that time comes, we are always going to want to make it move despite how tall or big those mountains are. Despite how weak our will power and our strengths.
First, he talked about the importance of our studies. We know how important it is, and with every one reminding us, it makes it even more unlikely to be forgotten. I suppose the knowledge of it's importance is just not enough for we too need to feel that fire burning within us, in our hearts. It needs to be a burning passion for us to want to do it everyday. Just like how singing is for me. I've done it everyday for the past few years that it has already become a habit, a routine. Each of us have our own passions and hobbies, and the way we made something we love doing into a hobby is by doing it continuously, by practicing at it everyday. By loving to do it in the first place. Some of us may have never felt the same passion for our studies as we have our hobbies. But since studies are an importance, it becomes a must-do. Whether we like it or not. And that makes it even the more harder to excel in it. I'm speaking for myself, so that we're clear. Seeing as I've let so many years of just settling for the grades my friends have and not putting in my heart and soul to work harder, this year wont be a repetition of my old careless self.
As for the heavy restrictions to the computer he said he'll set, he decided to do otherwise. Dad believes we're old enough to make decisions for our own good and manage our time wisely. But truth is... I want him to set those restrictions. Because I'm afraid I won't be strong enough to steer clear and withstand the aggravation of not being on the Internet. I suppose his mind is already made up so I'm just gonna have to do it on my own - try to not give into temptation as the Internet is one of them.
Lastly, he talked about relationships. Being understanding to our teenage years where hormones are usually raging, he said he could never stop or refrain us from having a relationship. But told us to keep in mind something. If we respect God and respect ourselves, we'll know what is the right thing to do. Of course it makes sense, cause' if I were to look at my immediate family and relatives... none of them compares to the love my Mum and Dad have for each other. I believe they were meant for each other and only for each other which makes me even more thankful. I have a home, parents who love each other, siblings who argue but love me nonetheless. But I suppose the only thing that I can hope for in the future is to have the same love my parents have for each other - a love that's from God. Constant, never-ending, unconditional and whole. Dad also said that you can't change a person. And these words hit me like lightning that big rocks of salty tears rolled down my cheeks. Not cause' of guilt but because I was hoping for that change in him to come. And I wanted to be the cause' of that change.
Unbearable as it is, I need to come to terms with myself and accept that he won't ever change. He won't ever wait for a year, just for me. He won't keep that promise he swore he'd keep... As hard as it's going to be, I'm just gonna have to let go.
I respect God, I respect myself and so I'm going to do the right thing.
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