Party rockin' at Twin Towers Live 2012

In the weeks that have summed up my inevitable absence, I'm convinced (and I'm sure you are too) of the fact that I am not a cut-out promise keeper. Instead of keeping my promise to keep my blog alive come what may, this lacklustre, barren space of what my little nook in the blogsphere has become can easily be compared to a blank piece of paper, or perhaps even like re-reading the same damned thing for about a gazillion times. Boring, much. But to enclose my disregard for my responsibility, I'm defending myself and saying that my absence was simply due to the fact I was patiently waiting for something worthwhile to write about, because nothing has really inspired me or evoked my creative juices lately. Until yesterday...

I still have no idea what we did or say to deserve such luck but yesterday morning, as Dad drove me to class, he'd informed me that he had received tickets - let me rephrase that: Golden Fan Tickets - to the Twin Towers Live 2012 event. Oblivious to recent happenings, I was like, "What's gonna happen there?". After filling me in with the 411 and the lowdown on what's going to take place, all it took was for him to utter "Nicole Scherzinger would be performing" to get me psyched and exited - because when she came with the Dolls in 2006/2007, exams held me back. And to cut the story short, since we had 3 Golden Fan Tickets, Prissy, Claire and I didn't let the opportunity pass us by.

There was so much I needed to grasp because I've never been to a concert before, and it being my first, and getting it for free, was a lot to take in. So, with hearts racing and excitement getting the best of us, we made our way to KLCC. When we arrived at the space where the concert was being held, it was already mad-packed with screaming, sweaty groupies - and the show hasn't even begun yet. Anyway, when we got to the entrance for those with tickets, we were treated like VIPs. Well, at least it felt that way when we were surrounded by people as we made our way through the crowd. And the next awestruck moment was when we walked the pathway to get to the stage; it felt like walking on the red carpet and having all eyes you. It's little wonder why Golden Fan Tickets cost a bomb. As we arrived pretty early, - 2 hours before the show started - our next 'lucky' moment was when we managed to stand a few feet away from the stage. It was still not quite a satisfactory place but we were close enough to snap pictures and record videos of them. Heck, we even managed to get the attention of Reshmonu and James Baum by screaming our heads off!

The lineup for the night was pretty awesome: It started with some mixes by some DJ and Prem from Fly.fm. And then, what the die-hard K-Pop fans have been waiting for, Girls Generation. After that, there was a Hip-hop performance by the champions of Showdown. Their performance was then followed by James Baum, accompanied by two other artists, Reshmonu, and some more house mixes. And last but not least, a mind-blowing, adrenaline-pumping performance by Nicole Scherzinger.

I shall stop ranting now and leave you with pictures to enjoy. Tee hee!

And videos: 

(more videos would be uploaded soon!)

And after everything, we managed to steal a shot with Mr. James Baum.

Farewell 2011, you were pretty good to me

1 year, 12 months, 365 days, and 52 weeks – that’s as far as I can go – would be coming to an end in a few more days and as I do so every year, I’d like to take the time to sit in my usual spot, at the usual time of day and with my own usual self, to do this year some justice and dedicate to it a journal entry. This year has brought about a variety (and also a mixture) of the good, the bad, the memorable, the heartbreaking, the unforgettable, the moments that changed one’s life, tragedies and everything along those lines. But if I’m being truly honest, I’d quote a paragraph from The Notebook and say that, “This year has most resembled a blue-chip stock: fairly stable, more ups than downs, and gradually trending upward over time. A good buy, a lucky buy and not everyone can say this about his life.” In more ways than some, this year hasn’t even been the rip-roaring spectacular I’d hoped and fancied it would be but that’s okay, because whatever has happened in the course of this one year has been more than aplenty.

What a journey it has been and to do this year a little more justice before the year comes to a close, I decided to acknowledge and reminisce on the events and happenings or the little things that happened within this year and to appreciate every single thing while I can. I doubt I can remember everything but at the same time, I’m pretty sure that my memory didn’t let me down. So, here goes:

_____________

This year, I...

I got selected for National Service.

Fell in love.

Received my first love-letter.

Made an impact in someone’s life.

Guided and helped someone to quit smoking.

Was – and still am – in a relationship with someone for more than 10 months.

Failed my undang-undang (computer test) 3 times, and in the end, passed on the 4^th time.

Passed and received my driving license.

Did a cover, which was a hit, and was finally satisfied with it.

Lost touch with a handful of people who meant a lot to me. 

Moved out of my parent’s home and moved in with my grandma.

Have been doing more housework now than I did when I was living with my parents.

Accepting and taking on new responsibilities.

Have been Google-ing and trying to learn how to cook.

Baked my first and second batch of cupcakes.

Sneakily went up to the highest floor of the Hilton hotel to enjoy the amazing view with a special someone.

Witnessed 4 deaths – Uncle Charles (friend), Manisah (my maid), Uncle Artie and Aunt Esther (Granduncle and grandaunt).

Found out that Grandpa had an elder brother which was given away at birth.

Heard someone, apparently my long-lost relative, came knocking on my grandparent’s door, looking all bruised and dishevelled and asking for money. Long story short, he’s an asshole.

Wrote long-winded letters just for the sake of it.

Dedicated songs, photos, poems, and lyrics to someone I love.

Met and was introduced to my boyfriend’s parents and his aunt.

Tasted shisha for the first (and last) time.

Sat for the Cambridge A-levels Examination.

Got my own room, furniture, and wardrobe for the first time after 18 years.

Studied my ass off and worked as hard as a donkey.

Lost myself and lost touch with the things I loved doing for a period of time.

Lied to my parent, and got away with it.

Lied and got caught.

Broke way too many promises.

Broke the heart of the man I love, way too many times.

Visited an Orang Asli settlement at Ulu Langat.

Sang carols at an old-folks home and fellowshipped with them.

Watched more than 20 movies in the cinema, in good company.

Spent time in an abandoned, eerie, quiet place.

Babysat my cousin, no matter how annoying they were.

Received the green light from Dad and Aunt Sharon to drive their car – under supervision, of course.

Worked at the Swedish Embassy.

Was hired to be the event assistant.

Attended a prestigious event – The Sweden-Malaysia Gala Dinner.

Met and took a picture with Datuk Jimmy Choo, Datul Sheikh Muzaffar and Jojo Struys.

Songled and performed in front of a large audience.

Did stuff I wasn’t proud of.

Took part in an amazing race, called the Amazing Grace.

Tried to learn how to play the guitar, but gave up too easily.

Entertained people who used me and walked all over me.

Experienced a point in time where I didn’t even know who my best friends were anymore.

Saw a shooting star.

Got to make a wish on 11.11.2011.

Lost friends who didn’t make any effort to stay in my life.

Lost ‘things’ I vowed to keep as a little girl.

Had my first water park experience in Kuantan, Bukit Gambang Waterpark resort.

___________

I'm sure there are many more but since I only have my memory to depend on, I have no choice but to end it here.

For everything I've been through, experienced, done, witnessed... I'm grateful and very much appreciative. As a whole, 2011 was a good year. Although I didn't manage to strike off all of the resolutions which were set at the beginning of the year, I'm hoping that the next year would be more promising in those aspects. Heck, I might even get to strike them all of my resolutions list this time - who knows? But before we start doing any planning, let's just hope and pray that the year doesn't come to an end on 2012, cause' that would be such a pity.

Anyways, Happy New Year world!

Alone this Christmas night

This song is my favourite Christmas Carol of all-time, thus far. I'm not kidding when I say that Christmas Carols, when played according to the original keys, aren't the most easiest pieces to sing. They strain your voice and leave you with either a sore throat of a major case of throat-dehydration. But when they are transposed to suit the singers rage of vocals, the final result would leave you in awe.

I've been YouTube-ing for covers of this song and I stumbled upon the cover Christina Grimmie did, and I think she did a pretty good job.

Forty-five minutes to go before Christmas comes to an end. But before it does, I hope everyone is making the most of their night - unlike me; sitting alone downstairs, in a corner, and blogging. Heh.

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

____________

That is all I wish for

Sore feet: check. Tired limbs: check. Brought my broke ass home: check.

Before I set out to the heart of the city with Prissy today, I made a mental list to myself, expecting that what I just checked off the list was bound to happen. And as expected, it did. All I want to do now is to give in to sleep and just lay in bed, but I can’t. I’m fighting to keep my eyes open as I type because I have this feeling in my gut that tells me that I might not get another time or day to speak my mind the way I now can.

I’ve been embracing the Christmas spirit to its fullest. In between shopping for Christmas gifts and giving in to generous discounts, I’ve been fighting for some time to myself, some time in my own space. Sometimes, even though there's nothing on my agenda to do, it's nice to get away from the crowd, to get away from all the hustle and bustle and just be alone. 

Now that I have, I should probably come right out and say what my mind has been pondering on for quite some time now. Parallel to carefully selecting and purchasing Christmas gifts for the people in my life, I have also managed to sit back and give some taught to what I'd like for Christmas. 

To celebrate and make the most of my pathetic three weeks of Semester break, I released myself from the confines of my own home and bombarded the shopping malls, like ghosts during the Hungry Ghost Festival, where there's lots and lots of food which have been given up to them as offerings. The fact that Christmas is just around the corner made it even more of a reason to splurge. 

I bought myself a Christmas outfit; an Audrey Hepburn-inspired classic white dress, a pair of black peep-toe pumps, a boho beach bag, tons and tons of accessories. Other than the things I bought for Christmas, there are also the several outfits I've splurged on because it seemed like the right thing to do when there are all these SALE signs everywhere. With everything I now have, it still isn't what I want for Christmas. I think I realized that when the thrill and excitement of buying those new things diminished a few moments after I got home.

This Christmas, I want: People; who would be true to themselves and be strong and confident in their own skin. I want them to find their true self in what they love, and not in other people. I want someone I can talk to about anything and everything, someone I can call my 'best friend' as that role is still vacant. Experience; a long list of them. I want to do things I've never done before, things worth doing for the first time. I want to do things that go against the law, that would get me into trouble. I want to do things that require buckets full of courage. Memories; lots and lots of them. I want to remember the good and the bad. I want to remember the pages turned, the bridges burned. I want to remember the heartbreaks, the loneliness, the crushes... everything that made me into the person I am today. 

And if I'm being blatantly honest, what I really want for Christmas is a hand-written letter. A letter which has been well-thought, well-written and which is specially for me. I love writing and receiving letters but due to the advancement in technology, no one ever does the whole writing-a-letter thing anymore, especially those which would end up bring 3-4 pages long. And the fact that it is so rare and since I haven't received any for quite some time now, makes me want it even more. 

So yes, that is my Christmas wish this year. 

Image via Cherrybam

Jingle bells and holly

It’s already the week of Christmas but it feels like I’m only beginning to adapt to the changes and challenges this month of December has brought along. Or is it always this way for everyone during the month of December? Well, for me, every year has its significant rollercoaster of emotions, especially when the year of 2011 is about to come to a close while it awaits the dawn of the year 2012 to arrive.

I’ve been hitting the streets of KL quite often this month and there’s always a pleasant tingling feeling of joy and eagerness that washes over me as I stand a few feet away from the entrance of malls before my feet gets restless and prompts me to walk inside.

Christmas happens to be the most decorated time of the year, apart from Chinese New Year. Humongous Christmas trees would be decorated with the most brightly coloured ornaments, with presents laid underneath. Jingle bells ringing here and there. Choirs singing cheerfully to Christmas carols. Santa would be seated at his big red armchair while little children queue up with their parents, so full of eagerness to get a chance to sit on Santa’s lap. The generic “Have you been Naughty or Nice?” question would be asked which would be followed by a long list of Nice, considering how persuasive the children were in making Santa believe. Along the streets, there’d be big, bold, colourful lights and long, shiny streamers. Sometimes, when lucky enough, there’d be a big replica of Santa’s sleigh along with his reindeers in front. And to top it off – I bet all the ladies would agree – there would always be a massive SALE which takes place EVERYWHERE! (the sole reason for my frequent visits to the malls)

When I enter malls during this season, I can’t help but be awed by how amazing everything looks. I also can’t help but be amazed at how immediately cheerful everyone becomes during this time of year. But then, when I’m ready, I gather the courage to take a step backwards and try to look beyond the material things I see before my eyes.

I then recognise that it is not just about how beautifully decorated the Christmas trees are or whether the lights are twinkling brightly enough. It’s not even about the expensive presents we receive and neither is it about whether Santa categorises us in the Naughty or Nice list. It’s so much more than that – it’s CHRISTMAS. It is the day our Lord Jesus Christ was born. And for that alone, I’m thankful enough.

Even so, there won’t be much of a celebration in my family this year. Due to the passing away of the late Uncle Artie and Aunty Esther, the spirit of Christmas has been slightly ceased from the hearts of the remaining Pharamonds. Nanny decided that she won’t be doing anything over-the-top this year, so there won’t be a Christmas party. Alongside the decision to not throw a Christmas party, there was also no putting up of the Christmas tree as well as the mailing of Christmas cards to relatives and friends. Apparently, it is a sign of respect, so I’ve been told.

On a less sentimental note, the highlight of this month (up to date) would most definitely be acing my JPJ driving test.  If you knew how long it has been since I sat for my Undang- undang test, how long I’ve prolonged attending my driving classes and how it long it took me to gather the confidence to go for my JPJ test, you’d probably say that it was about time. While everyone else received their P licence, I was left way behind as I haven’t even completed the hours of my driving classes. And then on the 13^th of December, I just did it. I’m just grateful that I didn’t have to redo anything, the way I did with my undang-undang test – I failed 3 times, to be exact. I now have to work on my confidence when I drive because I bet even a blind would recognise the obvious fear that is within me. I’m starting to doubt if it would ever go away.

Apart from that, the shopping for Christmas gifts has gone a little haywire. I had such a hard time deciding on what to buy as Christmas gifts, so unsure of whether they’d like what I chose for them.  It was as if I was sitting for a test on how well I truly know the people in my life. And sometimes, I doubt that I do – not so much, at least.  It’s was so much easier to shop for myself than to shop for Christmas gifts because sometimes regardless of how well you really know them and know what they like, I seem to be running out of ideas as each year passes by. I mean, when you want to buy something they need, God only knows because they seem to have everything already. And then when you opt to buy something they want, you’re then torn between the question of whether they’d love it or whether it fulfils your money’s worth.

The older I get, I’m gradually realizing that things become lesser about the places I go and the things I have, and more about the people I have in my life to share those little moments with. In a television segment, Oprah told her millions of viewers that based on research, it was proven that if you give someone things as gifts, it would only be valued for a period of 9 months. But if you give someone an experience, they’d remember it for the rest of their lives.

Although I won’t be celebrating Christmas this year, doesn’t mean the rest of the world shouldn’t. So this Christmas, instead of hoping for the things you’d want as gifts, I hope you’d receive an experience you’d remember and cherish for the rest of your lives.

Blessed Christmas everyone!

A Delicious brunch

Yesterday on the 19th of June, Malaysia celebrated Father's Day. I state it in such a way because the officially recognized date of Father's Day varies from country to country. And the same goes to the history and tradition each country accordingly has regarding this special day when fatherhood is celebrated. Like for instance, "In Taiwan, Father's Day is not an official holiday, but is widely observed on August 8, the eighth day of the eighth month of the year. In Mandarin Chinese, the pronunciation of the number 8 is bā. This pronunciation is very similar to the character "爸" "bà", which means "Papa" or "father". The Taiwanese, therefore, usually call August 8 by its nickname, "Bābā Holiday" (爸爸節)." But more on these insights another time... it would really be nice to take a break from "history and traditions" for while.

I was having some alone-time with my thoughts the other day about how comercialized such celebrations like Father's Day, Mother's Day and Valentine's Day are these days. Heck, there's even such a thing called Pancake Day - also known as Fettisdagen (Fat Tuesday), which I only came to know about after working in the Sweden embassy for a few weeks - in Sweden. When I was younger, every advertisement or brouchure or signboard regarding such celebrations made me believe that one would have to go all out - I mean, all out - just to fullfill the the worldly requirements that have been set as to what these celebrations are about. I have to admit, I was a victim to these stupid beliefs.

As much as I wanted to splurge on those special occasion, I would usually settle to write a sincere hand-written letter or DIY cards or allow my creative juices to flow through my fingertips, in hopes of creating something personal and memorable. That's what I have been doing all these years. Sure, those little things were enough to put a smile on their faces, enough to show them that they were loved but there was something within me that kept insisting that they deserved so much more than just a hand-written letter, although it was written sincerely; so much more than a DIY card; and so much more than what my creative juices would lead me to.

So yesterday, just after Church, we managed to talk Dad into making a pitstop at Mid- Valley. We played our cards right - my sis and I - saying that we needed to purchse books that we ordered and browse through clothing apparels for monthly discounts. Even Mum joined in, saying that she needed to check out the Ladies Department store. After having parked our car, we split up. Mum took Dad away to accompany her and my sis and I went scouting for a good place to celebrate the occasion - Our target: somewhere that is reasonably-priced and tastes just like heaven.

I asked around and narrowed down my choices to the last two remaining restaurants - Delicious and Dome. In the end, it was Delicious.

Simply because I was feeling ambitious, not having tasted the food there before and all. I wanted to treat my Dad, for the first time, since I'm now earning my own money for the time being. So quickly, my sister and I scanned the menu and made reservations, while I called mum to inform her about the whole plan.

A vast range of desserts laid out in front of our eyes, as we chose to be seated there. So tempting they were that I just had to order myself something. Those whom have dined with me would know just how much of a dessert-junkie I am. No matter how full to the brim I am after having, let's say, a six course meal or how too much of sugar and pastry and icing is bad for health, desserts - minus chocolate - would always be an exception.


So since we all have sweet-tooths - exclusing Mum, that is - these were the mouth-watering treats we dined-in to.

Berrilicious Chocolate Pavlova

Peach & Banana Crumble with Vanilla Ice Cream

Red Velvet Cupcake with Cream Cheese Raspberry Swirls

Sure, such occasions are not supposed to be about how good the food is either, but heck, it made our day. In between waiting for our orders to arrive, a waiter swung by our table to hand my Dad a voucher which entitled him to any choice of coffee he wanted - that was 'the gift' the waiter had told me earlier about. So Dad ordered a hot mug of Cappucino - probably to be on the safe side because he wasn't feeling so well. Bad timing.

Apart from the food, the service was too poor to even rate. We waited for almost 45 minutes for our food to arrive but maybe it was due to the fact that it was during the peak hour - lunch time. So all was forgiven. Forgotten.

In the end, I was pleased and my heart was at peace because with all the money I'm earning, instead of spending it on monthly shopping excursions, I spent it on my Dad - whom, by the way, was worth so much more.

Happy Father's Day again, Daddy.

All photos belong to their respective owners. Found via Google.

Amazing Grace 2011

So, I'm finally home from the Amazing Grace event which was clued and mapped all the way to Kuantan. Unlike the last Amazing Grace which I participated with my family, this required more of my participation as we worked together as a team to unlock each and every clue that was given to us, which if I may add, would be the only way we could get lead back to our hotel. The entire race was spent seated in a old, beated-up, unair-conditioned Proton Saga, which made our butts ache, skin even tanner than it already is, and sweat drip all over our body (which isn't as turning on as it sounds, by the way).

Upon arriving at the Bukit Gambang Resort City - Waterpark Resort, Jemimah and I checked into a room which we had to share with the Dorai's. We didn't get a room to ourselves because 1) we didn't pay for a room and 2) the entire hotel was fully booked due to it being Labour's Day. So our sleeping arrangments had to be altered and rooms had to be exchanged in the end. But it was alright, we understood. What we - I -  did not understand was the long and complicated roots we each had to take just to get around the hotel. It was as if we were caught in a maze and there was no easy exit. Absolutely ridiculous, if I may say so.

Despite not having a room to ourselves, the amount we paid for entitled us to free Waterpark tickets which wasn't valid until the second day. So when the sun scorched in the sky during midday the following day, a large group of us youths hopped on the tram and was dropped off right at the entrance of the Waterpark. All the pent up hype and excitement that drove me to attend this year's Amazing Grace was dampened right then and there when we saw the unbelievable number of cars parked along the roadside but the worst was yet to come. When we walked in, the impossible crowd was even more unbelievable. Wet, sweaty and sandy bodies were everywhere. With such a huge crowd present, rules are expected to be broken. And they were. The "No smoking" sign that was stabbed into the ground was a big joke. The queues to each ride was annoyingly long and winding, setting off my patience. I couldn't take it anymore so by 5pm, after engaging in a game of beach football and watching my peeps go neck-to-neck with each other, I decided to pack up and head back to the hotel. I was worn out.

Holidays are supposed to be a relaxing and self-discovering retreat from reality, aren't they? But I can't possibly consider this 3 day stay to be such because it was not even close. For the most part, it was exhausting. As much of an early-nighter I was and no matter how early I tried to get myself to sleep, I didn't manage to get enough hours anyway.Yes, there is a hidden explanation behind this statement but no I will not voice it out here. But what I can regretfully say is that I missed so much. While the night was still young for my roommates, I was the odd one out catching up on some shut-eye. I even missed the much anticipated game of Mafia on the last night. That was a bummer.  

I guess what really tired me out though was the continuous annoyance and disturbance I received from Ben whom made full use of his ever so sarcastic antics, never missing out on an oppurtunity to insert either an insulting or too-good-to-be-true remark about something I did or said. But despite how exhausting it was to be his source of amusement, I have to admit that it was at the same time the very thing that brightened up my day. His constant teasing was the rope that pulled me back from being sucked into a whirlpool of emotion. 


Parallel to the exhaustion each day left on my sun-kissed skin, I was also dealing with matters of the heart which lead to mood swings as the aftermath. Hence, constantly being the odd one out among my group of friends. The distance that is in-between that certain someone and I and the time we rarely have together was and is the sole reason of it all. It is hard enough that we live so far apart and I think I made it even harder for him when I left for Kuantan, even if it was in the span of three short days. I could tell by the change in his voice when he confessed, so sad and tear-filled with sniffs in between.

"If I could, I would have never gave you the green light to leave." He said, in the most saddest tone I have ever heard from him.

"But dear, it's just for three days. If I didn't go on this trip, it's not like I can spend time with you anyway. You'll be busy at work." I said, trying to make him understand.

"Yes, I know that. But when I come home from a long day's work, I doubt I'd be able to pick up the phone and call you because you'd be so busy. There won't be any time left for me during those three days." He replied, worried.

"I'd always make time when it comes down to you, you know that." I said, attempting to make him feel better.

"Yeah, sure. We'll see about that." He said, giving up. Half-believing, half-accepting.

But it was not just about me leaving to Kuantan, it was the change that was taking place in our lives, our busy schedules intervening in our relationship. Twenty four hours in a day and we only get to spend (at most) two hours with each other, and that too, is only via phone call. It was the strain that has been on our relationship due to prolonged arguments about petty issues. It was about how both of us have changed in our relationship, so much so that it sometimes feels like things can never return to the way they once were - the comfort I find in him, the openness, the shared inside jokes, the exchange of secrets, him being the one person I can depend on to cheer me up; the one person I do not have to worry about being myself with.

I miss it. I miss it all. I miss him. The him I am referring to is the man I met at camp, the one who would stare at me from across the room just to see if I had noticed it. The one that did not sweep me off my feet but managed to creep his way into my heart. Him. 

Sitting at the staircase I was when thoughts of him, me, us, everything floaded my mind. And at that time, I wished for nothing more than for time to fly faster so that I could return home.

Two days later, my wish was granted. Without hesitation, I packed my belongings and parked my luggage at the front door, ready to drag it out when it was time. My mind pretty much spaced out when I sat by the balcony, killing time as I allowed my thoughts to flood my mind. I then also realized that I wasn't feeling the way I usually do when a trip or a vacation draws to a close. There was neither a hidden longing to prolong this trip and stay for a few more days nor an urge to head home immediately. In fact, I couldn't have cared less. My feelings were pretty neutral. 

Right now, being at home and sitting in-front of my laptop, I know that this is where I want to be - and would rather be. But if I were given the chance to do it all over again - ROAD TRIP! - I would do so in a heartbeat. This trip may not have been a self-discovering journey for me, nor did it feed my wide eyes to wonder, but if there is something I got out of this trip... it is that there is no harm in trying again. After all, that's how my team and I ended up walking away with the 15th place.






P.S- This post has been prolonged for weeks now and I just thought that it was time I finished writing it up and do it some justice.   
   

She's apart of our family

The unpredictability and hecticness of the days that have come and gone has blown in another day for me to spare; Friday. I am not, by any means, stating this out of relief that the weekend is a day away but out of sadness and melancholy that our days with Aunt Manisah and her daughter in our residence have been narrowed down to two. And soon, it would be that time again when hugs and well wishes will be exchanged and goodbyes will be said.

Tonight, at the Mani's residence, a farewell/birthday party was initiated for her. Everyone, from close relatives to family friends who knew her, chipped in their time and effort to make it all possible. A wide spread of glorious food was laid out on the dining table, mostly home-cooked made out of love. Uncle Kevin willingly helped Nanny out at the kitchen by volunteering to do a dish - his true speciality, Pasta. Seeing it as an open opportunity, I took the liberty to learn his dish. He was nice (and patient) enough to teach me by starting off with the basics - I had to chop onions and garlics, grate carrots, half-fry the ham and then stir and stir and stir some more until my hand ached. He guided me through the recipe and in the end, I was given the rights to say that I made the dish.

By a quarter to 8 pm., when guests started filling up the living room, Aunt Manisah was escorted from her room by her daughter to engage in what turned out to be a memorable night. Dinner was served and shortly afterwards, so was desert... and then followed by a cake. As she sat at the head of the table with everyone else surrounding her, singing her a birthday song and saying prayers for her, her expression gave away the strong front she was trying to put up. She was so overwhelmed by emotion and touched by everything, that there was no room to be composed. Even her daughter couldn't help it. It was only after I hugged her and spoke with her that I found out that apparently, back at their home in Indonesia, birthdays cannot afford to be celebrated. So, seeing the wide spread of food fit for a king, and being surrounded by people who love her, was something she never experienced before. Her tears strangulated her voice as she tried to thank each and everyone of us, but... we understood.

Before the night came to an end, there was one last thing planned for her. Or to be more specific, to present to her.

As a small token of love from us to her, I wanted to make her a video. And in that video, my brother and I would sing "Keep holding on" while a slide-show of our pictures with her would be shown as well. We had hours and hours of practice and recording test-runs. We also dug out albums which held our pictures with her, capturing each and every one of them for the video slide-show. But in the end, my plan did not follow through. Everything was rushed and time was slipping through our fingers so we had no other choice but to do it live, in front of her. You would think that I would be ready after all those hours of practice but I wasn't. I hesitated. And at the last minute, it was my brother and sister who talked me into doing it. They insisted and would not take a "no" for an answer.

Dad did our intro, thanking her and making sure she knows how much of a blessing she has been to us over the years. His words tugged at all of our hearts and in no time the whole room was filled with teary eyes and broken hearts. Before I even began the song, I lost it. I could not hold myself together because it was too painful. Too painful to tell her to Keep holding on when I myself was struggling at that. I tried real hard to fight back the tears from rolling down my cheeks, and eventually I managed to finish the song. When it was over, I realized why my siblings were so insistent that we do it - it was a 'now or never' thing. And besides, she needed to hear those lyrics as much as we needed to say what we wanted her to know before it was too late.

It was also a little something for her to remember us by.

_____________

As darkness was traded in for light, the dark skies slowly welcomed the warmness of the morning sun. The day started pretty early for us. Upon arriving at Nanny's residence, Dad loaded up the 4×4 and their boxes were strapped onto the roof of the vehicle. We made our way to KLIA to send her off. After checking in their boxes and doing the necessary, all that was left to do was wait until it was time to board the flight. Pictures were taken of our every move and over steaming cups of cappuccino, we probably had our last face-to-face conversation.   


Shortly afterwards, it was time for them to board the plane. Hugs were exchanged, well-wishes were said and tears were shed. Whether it was the years spent with Kak Manisah or the weeks spent with her daughter, we have become so attached, to the extent where the both of them have become members of our family. Mainly, Kak Manisah. And how do you say "goodbye" to someone you have become so attached to? Sigh. 


All I know for sure is that I'll never find a maid as caring, loving and one-of-a-kind as her - she's irreplaceable. Wherever she is and however her condition, all I pray is that for God to wrap her in His arms and comfort her. Because if there is one thing she needs right now, it is none other than the Lord Almighty.

I'm suffering from a withdrawal syndrome

Since I arrived home safely not too long ago, I should probably be sprawled on my bed, making up for the lost hours of sleep I could have enjoyed had I not traded them in to spend the entire bus ride home in his company - which, by the way, is not something I regret. But because my heart's heavy with emotions and knowing myself, I wouldn't be at ease until I have let it all out and only then, sleeping would be an option. So, I will proceed by stating that as hard as it was for me to say goodbye as tears welled up around my eyes each time I hugged someone, apart of me is glad to be back home. In any given situation, I realized that I'm always lead back to believe that time, no matter how we manage it, always runs out. But I still can't wrap my head around the fact that 71 days just passed me by in a blink of an eye. I plead guilty and admit But at first I counted down the days to when it would end; to when the countdown at the hall would reach 0 days but towards the end, I found myself wishing that the days multiplied.

Funny how one moment I was torn in knowing I had to leave home and everyone behind, crying hysterically while my eyes puffed up and my face a pale mask and the next... trying to fight back big, fat lumps of tears from streaming down my face because I had to leave the camp I've grown to accept as my second home. Pretty much everything about the reality I'm forced to go up against is hard to drink in- the circles of friendship that was built upon the solid grounds of teamwork and togetherness has to now survive the hurdle of distance, the mutual respect I gained from the trainers and the staff has to be placed in the hands of time, the picturesque scenery I was blessed to wake up to every morning has to be traded in for murky buildings and skyscrapers. While I chose to refer to my departure to National Service as a much needed retreat from the post-high school boredom that I know will await me, it also was a therapeutic getaway of self-discovery and to discover which path in life is just for me to lead. Or so I had hoped it would be.

But what happens to ring with more truth is that my time spent away at camp was, for the most part, a retreat that concealed and robbed me of my inner talents and abilities, caging not me but what I normally do on a daily basis. When the day came for the authorities to lay down the ground rules, we were told of what we could not do and the consequences that followed had they been broken, and singing in the shower was one of them. The singing session in the shower I would always look forward had to be, for the lack of a better word, supervised - I had to control the tone of my voice, keeping it at neutral. And the time I spent hidden underneath my blanket, with the torchlight on as I jot down the events of my day every night was suppose to imprint on me a flow of writing, but instead... I find myself scrambling for words that suit what I'm feeling and praying for my creative juices to flow through my fingertips. In other words, I came home feeling like a cave-woman; forgetting how it felt like to sing at the top of my lungs or pen down my thoughts the way I'd use to so effortlessly do. I still feel handicapped, in a way.

Apart from feeling handicapped, there's also the feeling that everything around me seems different. Let's begin with my parents, for instance. In almost every aspect - when it comes to my social life, especially - they have come around to be more lenient when compared to the way they were when I was in high-school. There's a new easiness in our conversations - no more neck-to-neck arguments about the downfall in my grades or the choking overprotectiveness when it comes to boys or even about my often tendency to be anywhere but at home. All I have to do now is just inform them of my plans, my transport and and the people whom I'll be out with and it's as simple as that. I don't have that hammering urgency in my mind to lie to them or to do something behind their backs - trust, is the word. I've lost their trust in me once before, and I'm in no condition to lose it again. Consider it a lesson learned. But I think the difference I see is due to the fact that everyone is having a lot on their plate to deal with. And to top the list is Kak Manisah's tragic recent discovery that she has stage 4 colon cancer.

Upon arriving home, I'm back to spending my weekdays at Nanny's house but instead of seeing the bubbly and hardworking maid I've known my whole life as I walk through the front door, I now see a weaker and shrunken version of her. You'd think I'd know what to do when it comes to situations like these - since I've had to attend weeks of character building classes while at NS - but the truth is, you can never be prepared for what's to come. It is hard for me to see her in such a pitiful state, but it's even harder to see her cry out of that stabbing pain in her gut and know that there's nothing I can do to ease her pain or soothe her plight. I'm helpless. I could probably compare this unfortunate circumstance to a game of domino; when one chip is slightly pushed down, the others will follow up in a linear sequence and one after another everything will be hit down. In this case, my parents and Grandma are the ones that get effected. So much until it's literally burning holes in their pockets as they take on the responsibility to pay for the sky-rocketing price of her upcoming surgery and treatment.

But now that I realized I've said too much, let's just leave the further insight for another post. Shall we? (Or just take it as it is)

____________

I apologize for digressing but this is what happens when you have too much swirling around in your mind and you can't possibly pick which matters most. But right here, right now, my mind is deterring me to a folder in my brain which holds memories of my experience at National Service (now we're back to the main point!). I really am suffering from PLKN Withdrawal Syndrome, aren't I? - Dad pointed it out to me, and he's right. I guess when you spend so much time doing something, you'll get used to it and it becomes a part of you in a certain way. And I might have said this before but that is exactly what being at PLKN has become; a part of me.

I may never get the opportunity to relive my PLKN experience, but the days, minutes and seconds spent there would always be etched in my memory. And hey, I'm also proud of myself for taking on the challenge of going up against what my friends and family members have warned me about - the unappetizing food, the grueling schedule, the heartless trainers etc etc. Instead of just nodding to whatever they tell me - about pros and cons of PLKN - I can now say that I've gone through it.

But truth be told, I couldn't have done it had I not been surrounded by amazing people who are of different races and beliefs and who come from different backgrounds. People whom I've grown so used to being around, almost like family. What I'm sure of is that we have all made friends that we'd keep for life. At least I know I have. So, from the bottom of my heart, I thank all of you - even to those whom I've never said a word to - for blessing me with fragments of precious mometns I'd keep for the rest of my life.

When Goodbye isn't in my dictionary

As the New Year of 2011 slowly dawns, people all over the world would most probably be making plans. Some would plan to head out to party till' the break of dawn; some would be jotting down goals and things to be achieved as New Year's Resolutions; and some would be prepping themselves to make this year yet another worth-while journey. But as for me... I'd be preparing for Goodbye.

If you've noticed, you'd realized that recent posts have been mostly about reminiscing on the past. It is because now that I'd be leaving in another 2 more days, past happenings have been coming back to me. Maybe it's cause' I'm in a gloomy state or maybe, apart of me hasn't dealt with the fact that I'd be leaving soon - too soon, in fact.

All I know is, if I had more time to deal with it, it still wouldn't be enough. So the National Service forms have been signed and my luggage is almost fully-packed.... and as for my heart, it's hanging in there.

In a few more hours, I'd be going to church to attend the New Year's service. So, I'd probably see most of you there. But in case I don't, goodbye for now - as much as I hate this word, it's the only word that's beaming in the back of my mind.

All my love, Krissy.

For the first time

I cannot begin to tell you how beat I still am as I'm typing this. The pain my pitiful feet had suffered and the tiredness my body had to withstand is residue from a long day of walking at an abnormally fast pace from one mall to another, photographing and adoring the fine array of clothing at our favourite clothing apparels (which always lead to us making too many pit stops at the changing room and trying on at least 5 pieces of clothing). As much as it may seem like I'm being a tad too complainful, I'm not, because today, for the first time in a long while, I got to spend the whole day in the company of Pricilla and Vanessa.

Before I rant any further, this casual trip started off with a very long awaited sleepover. Not to mention, my very first sleepover. The three of us - Pricilla, Vanessa and I - were supposed to have the sleepover together but as Vanessa had trouble upon arriving, the sleepover went on with just Pricilla and I. Two very large pizzas were ordered, with a side of mushroom soup for myself. As hunger dominated our every action, we managed to gobble down one and a half pizzas. And trust me, it did not do my stomach much good as I don't normally each as much as I did. Then, after dinner, we both watched Going The Distance. When it ended, it was way past my bedtime so it was lights out for me (and Priscilla, too).

Anyway, the next morning started off with the both of us waking up as early as 8.30 a.m. Upon waiting for Vanessa's arrival, we had our breakfast of leftover pizzas and went straight back upstairs to get into some decent clothes for our big day out. By the time Vanessa came over, it was time for us to leave. So, for our first stop was the ever so convenient (and closest) KLCC, to watch Rapunzel: A Tangled Tale. Simply because Pricilla had free vouchers to watch the movie. As we were about to purchase the tickets, the man behind the counter told us that the vouchers couldn't be accepted due to the absence of serial numbers. But out of nowhere, like a miracle, the man just asked us to fill up a form, which would help us get the tickets for free - it was an employee rating form. We were pretty much obliged to rate their service to own those tickets, and so we did - I bet that we only got those tickets because it might give them a bad name if we didn't. Anyway, with a cupcake, a sandwich and a bun - and a heart for Disney movies - the three of us walked into the cinema to enjoy the movie.

By the time the movie came to an end, we joyfully ventured into the more lively Pavillion and Berjaya Times Square. There's something about the enlightening ambiance and the sense of security I feel when I shop at Pavillion, which always keeps me a satisfied shopper. It's a fact to say that during most of my gallivants in this part of town, Pavillion would always be one of the many places I'd make an attempt to visit. Most of our time was spent in Forever 21 and Cotton On; trying on heaps upon heaps of clothing and contemplating on whether it would be a worth-it buy. Of all the clothes I tried on, in the end, I settled for a good pair of booties instead. It fit perfectly and it was the kind of boots I've been wanting to own for a very long time; just kept waiting for the price to be reasonable. And yesterday so happened to be reasonable day.

Since Berjaya Times Square was in our radius, I dragged the both of them with me to go hunting for bargain finds. There, we only walked around on the first few floors as I refused to walk pass those creepy and gloomy shops which were on the higher floors. There you go, the reason why I don't relish shopping at Berjaya Times Square. I think anyone would agree with me when I say that it doesn't exude the safest and most comfortable atmosphere. If it didn't have the most cheapest and updated fashion trends - minus those 'Lala' girl trends and the quality- I wouldn't have to step foot in that place ever again.

By the time the girls and I were done with that part of town, it was time to meet up with Michelle - Vanessa's and Pricilla's Primary school friend - at Wangsa Walk. Our legs were aching so badly and our bodies were longing for a comfortable surface to lay on, but that didn't stop us from meeting up with her anyway. We all met up for dinner at none other than TGI Fridays. When I first saw her, I couldn't disagree with the fact that she was just as adorable as Pricilla said she would be. And thank goodness, we all got along like a very happy bunch of friends. It was good to unwind with warm company. And about the food, need I be a critic? The food we ordered tasted so heavenly that I forgot about my soared feet and the tiredness I felt earlier. But for the others, I believe what made their day was the advantage they had on drooling (or admiring, if they insist) at the sight of one of the workers there...ahem ahem.

When our tummy's were satiated. the next stop was home sweet home. Upon arriving at Pricilla's home, I started packing my things to be prepared for Dad's arrival to pick me up. So, while waiting, Pricilla, Vanessa and I spent the wee hours of the night playing Xbox Kinect. I still can't find it within me to love playing these kind of gaming consoles but just for the record, it was a fun way to kill time.

Now that yesterday has gone by, I'm more than happy to be in the comforts of my own home and resting my poor feet, as I'm typing this.

Just maybe, the last

Journal entry - 17th October 2010

It's still pretty surreal that I managed to make it for my Senior Year class party this afternoon, not forgetting to mention that this is probably the last gathering we'll have before we swerve into the different directions of our lives. To my delight, Dad granted me permission. Perhaps he understood the importance of my being there to amidst the fun and togetherness of my classmates of two years before it's too late. And it was indeed one heck of a fun and exciting day. Not to mention, a very memorable one.

As for the food... please don't get me started. Our gathering was held at the exquisite Cosy Place restaurant, nearby Wangsa Walk. The place was decorated with priceless vintage collectibles and beautiful roses - it was an elegant sight. The food was just as glorious, no doubt about it. With our grumbling tummy's, we feasted on the most rated delicacies.

After our hunger pangs have been satiated, we made our way to Wangsa Walk in search of some fun and excitement before our day came to an end.  I rode in Yosh's car, as he became the chauffeur to a handful of us throughout the day.

Instead of catching a movie, which was our initial plan, we ended up bowling. So we all rented bowling shoes and attempted to hit as many pins as possible. The close-knit handful of us filled two lanes and battled it out. It was a head-to-head battle all the way - without erupting any feud and dissatisfaction, that is. Fuazrin whipped all our sorry asses as he scored the highest - not too shabby for an amateur. After one game, most of us had to endure blisters and soars. That held us back from playing another game...shucks!

When evening came, it was time for the majority of us 'caged birds' to disperse and head home. As for the others who did not have a time limit, they carried on to watch a movie - Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak 2, if I'm not mistaken. And you now know why I didn't bother to tag along.

Shortly afterwards, Hazira, Nash, Megat, Kechik and a few others who didn't go for the movie, were left lingering directionless as we walked pass material goods and food stalls. My day didn't end the way I had hoped it would, but at least I was able to be with them. Even it is for the last time.

And just like that alone, I left for home satisfied and content. It was good enough for me.

These are just a few of the many pictures that were taken.

"Here we are, in the best years of our lives, with no way of knowing when the wheel will stop spinning cause we don't know where we're going. And here we are, on the best day of our lives, and it's a go. Let's make it last. So cheers you all to that, cause this moment's never coming back." - Anonymous.

Phases in our fun adventure

'Twas an eventful day - an adventure- for the 10 of us who hopped into the church van and were on our way to KKB ( Kuala Kubu Baru) to fellowship with the Christians who were in the National Service. Every Sunday a group is sent to fellowship with the Christians in the National Service, and so happened that this time, I tagged along. The people who went were Debbie, Phillip, Ben, Maka, Ainsley, Luke, Hannah, Clarissa et moi.

Truth be told, it was not as much fun as I'd thought it would be. But I guess when it comes to serving God, it isn't about suited the surroundings are to your likings, or how much fun you get out of doing something, but of how great an impact you make in others lives by being the disciples of God.

And so, the real adventure for us starts here.

Phase 1 - Our journey to KKB.

Phase 2 - The van broke down on our way back to church. There was no choice but for Ben to pull-over at curve of the road. We were stranded in the middle of nowhere but thankfully, there was Internet connection and Sue's DSLR to keep us company. Making the most of our time, we snapped and posed for pictures so that our adventurous day would be documented. I never knew experiencing a van break down would be so much fun.

Phase 3 - Half an hour passed and the majority of us needed to head home, or to MidValley. And so we got on the Metro Bus that passed us by and to took us all the way to the Rawang KTM Station. The sun was glaring and it was just miserable to walk in the hot sun, but we did.

Phase 4 - We managed to catch the KTM that took us all the way to MidValley - which was 10 or 11 stations away. Misery. On the KTM, we made the most of our time by snapping sleeping shots and laughing. A lot. I swear, we were the noisiest people on board.


What a fun-filled day, it was.

 

  

 

  

Let's do this again, what do you say?

a love letter

Once again, pardon my absence. I don't feel the need to explain myself for I believe I have done so in a few blog entries before this. I still don't have the time to splat all my thoughts or daily updates here, as much as I'd loved to. But rest assured, when I have just the right amount of time I need, everything will be posted up.

For now, I shall leave you with something I'd wrote for my grandma on her birthday.

__________

Dear Nanny,

Happy 77th Birthday!

I realize I’m a few days late in presenting you with your birthday gift or a token of love, as it may refer to you but please know that it was unintentional.

Every year, without fail, my thoughts and wishes flow through the ink of my pen and are written on a blank piece of paper with the utmost love. This year won’t vary from the others either because every so often, people do like being reminded of how much they are loved and cherished for all the things they’ve done. But I suppose the only question I need to ask myself now is, “What else that needs to be said, have I not said?”

As I mentally try and search for the answers, in hope of it being hidden in the recesses of my brain, none come to mind. Simply cause’ – as far as I can think of – there’s nothing left that hasn’t been said.

Lest I be questioned by a swarm of inquisitive people as to why I didn’t write any poems, I’m defending myself and confessing that I tried. I tried to pick up my pen and paper to write those lovely poems I always use to present to you but this time, there didn’t seem to be a purpose. It’s not because you’re not important or your birthday is not special but because I’ve already said everything (or most of the things) I’ve wanted to say… for now.

Although, I’m going to say something I’ve said countless of times before and will always say for as long as you need to be reminded of.

“I Love You”.

Often times this word, love, is overlooked, misused or simply just said without meaning but I hope that when you read this, you’ll know it comes from the very core of my heart.

I’ve had countless of people walk into my life and after a period of time, call themselves my best friends. More often than not, these people leave and not even footprints are left to trace those memories we’ve shared. But I’m happy to wake up every morning and have someone in my life, who is my grandma, to call my best friend.

May you wake up to beautiful morning sunshine’s and be surrounded by all those who love you.

P.S – I’m going to make you proud!

Written with love, Kristen .

A day filled with cheer

Christmas is only a day away and tons of text messages, cards and emails have yet to be delivered - presents too have yet to be given. Since the majority of my Facebook friends do celebrate Christmas, I'm going to take the easy road and wish them through this little note.

This will save me from typing numerous of Christmas greetings for each significant person.

Merry Christmas, loves! May this Christmas be whatever you have hoped and wished for. May tons and tons of amazing gifts be layed under your Christmas tree. May you be kissed under a mistletoe. May be blessed with all the best things in life and lastly, may this day be spent with none other than your family and closest friends. Because nothing beats a good old get-together.

Having rekindled the joy for Christmas, I'm gonna take this opportunity to be gracious and thankful (something that's beyond the usual me).

I'm sorry for whatever wrong doings I've done.
I'm sorry to the people I've mistreated.
I'm sorry for not appreciating and being thankful more often.
etc etc.

As the year 2009 draws closer to an end, I'm beginning to accept certain circumstances. I'm beginning to accept that some friendships are not meant to last forever, some two people are just not meant to make an 'us', some people don't change no matter how much you pray for them to, promises may mean the world to some people, but to some, they're just mere promises that are meant to be broken and life goes on despite it all. I've learned to accept and move on.

That, I believe, is the only way for me to survive.

let's make a toast

Spent the evening at The Yong's yesterday for a Christmas Party. I arrived pretty early as my mum had to drop off my Dad at the KL Central. Upon arriving early a few hours early, there was an ample amount of time for me to help out with the cooking (I was just paying attention to what Isabelle was doing) and table settings (helping Liz). Thank goodness I'd arrived on an empty stomach because the mouth-watering food that was prepared and served on the table would be a sin to pass off. Yes, it was that good. Everything tasted to-die-for. I helped myself to a plate of Nachos first, dipping it in a small bowl of some creamy cheese pesto dip (mixed with thai chili sauce).

When every one of Liz's friends left, it was time to do some clearing up. Picking up used tissues, cups and plates. Wiping off crumbs on the table. Throwing away rubbish. You get what I mean. When the cleaning up was done, it was time to start whipping up dinner. A six course dinner was prepared by Liz and Belle. In a blink of an eye, every dish was prepared and ready to be eaten. The table was decorated like it was some fine-dining restaurant - don't get me started on the food - the candles were lit and the music blended into the background.

 

 

When the "guests of honour" arrived (Josh and Abiel), the first thing Abiel did was snap shots of the entire dining area. Complementing his professional photographer exterior, he too brought along a tripod. All together, there were about four Canon DSLR cameras (including Nick's who came a few minutes later). When all the guests arrived, all nine of us took our seats at the dining table and was in for a lovely dinner.

Having known each other for quite some time now, bonding was made easy. We snapped pictures, chatted, laughed and sang the night away.

You have no idea how long it has been since I've had this much fun at a Christmas Dinner 
Party.