Amazing Grace 2011

So, I'm finally home from the Amazing Grace event which was clued and mapped all the way to Kuantan. Unlike the last Amazing Grace which I participated with my family, this required more of my participation as we worked together as a team to unlock each and every clue that was given to us, which if I may add, would be the only way we could get lead back to our hotel. The entire race was spent seated in a old, beated-up, unair-conditioned Proton Saga, which made our butts ache, skin even tanner than it already is, and sweat drip all over our body (which isn't as turning on as it sounds, by the way).

Upon arriving at the Bukit Gambang Resort City - Waterpark Resort, Jemimah and I checked into a room which we had to share with the Dorai's. We didn't get a room to ourselves because 1) we didn't pay for a room and 2) the entire hotel was fully booked due to it being Labour's Day. So our sleeping arrangments had to be altered and rooms had to be exchanged in the end. But it was alright, we understood. What we - I -  did not understand was the long and complicated roots we each had to take just to get around the hotel. It was as if we were caught in a maze and there was no easy exit. Absolutely ridiculous, if I may say so.

Despite not having a room to ourselves, the amount we paid for entitled us to free Waterpark tickets which wasn't valid until the second day. So when the sun scorched in the sky during midday the following day, a large group of us youths hopped on the tram and was dropped off right at the entrance of the Waterpark. All the pent up hype and excitement that drove me to attend this year's Amazing Grace was dampened right then and there when we saw the unbelievable number of cars parked along the roadside but the worst was yet to come. When we walked in, the impossible crowd was even more unbelievable. Wet, sweaty and sandy bodies were everywhere. With such a huge crowd present, rules are expected to be broken. And they were. The "No smoking" sign that was stabbed into the ground was a big joke. The queues to each ride was annoyingly long and winding, setting off my patience. I couldn't take it anymore so by 5pm, after engaging in a game of beach football and watching my peeps go neck-to-neck with each other, I decided to pack up and head back to the hotel. I was worn out.

Holidays are supposed to be a relaxing and self-discovering retreat from reality, aren't they? But I can't possibly consider this 3 day stay to be such because it was not even close. For the most part, it was exhausting. As much of an early-nighter I was and no matter how early I tried to get myself to sleep, I didn't manage to get enough hours anyway.Yes, there is a hidden explanation behind this statement but no I will not voice it out here. But what I can regretfully say is that I missed so much. While the night was still young for my roommates, I was the odd one out catching up on some shut-eye. I even missed the much anticipated game of Mafia on the last night. That was a bummer.  

I guess what really tired me out though was the continuous annoyance and disturbance I received from Ben whom made full use of his ever so sarcastic antics, never missing out on an oppurtunity to insert either an insulting or too-good-to-be-true remark about something I did or said. But despite how exhausting it was to be his source of amusement, I have to admit that it was at the same time the very thing that brightened up my day. His constant teasing was the rope that pulled me back from being sucked into a whirlpool of emotion. 


Parallel to the exhaustion each day left on my sun-kissed skin, I was also dealing with matters of the heart which lead to mood swings as the aftermath. Hence, constantly being the odd one out among my group of friends. The distance that is in-between that certain someone and I and the time we rarely have together was and is the sole reason of it all. It is hard enough that we live so far apart and I think I made it even harder for him when I left for Kuantan, even if it was in the span of three short days. I could tell by the change in his voice when he confessed, so sad and tear-filled with sniffs in between.

"If I could, I would have never gave you the green light to leave." He said, in the most saddest tone I have ever heard from him.

"But dear, it's just for three days. If I didn't go on this trip, it's not like I can spend time with you anyway. You'll be busy at work." I said, trying to make him understand.

"Yes, I know that. But when I come home from a long day's work, I doubt I'd be able to pick up the phone and call you because you'd be so busy. There won't be any time left for me during those three days." He replied, worried.

"I'd always make time when it comes down to you, you know that." I said, attempting to make him feel better.

"Yeah, sure. We'll see about that." He said, giving up. Half-believing, half-accepting.

But it was not just about me leaving to Kuantan, it was the change that was taking place in our lives, our busy schedules intervening in our relationship. Twenty four hours in a day and we only get to spend (at most) two hours with each other, and that too, is only via phone call. It was the strain that has been on our relationship due to prolonged arguments about petty issues. It was about how both of us have changed in our relationship, so much so that it sometimes feels like things can never return to the way they once were - the comfort I find in him, the openness, the shared inside jokes, the exchange of secrets, him being the one person I can depend on to cheer me up; the one person I do not have to worry about being myself with.

I miss it. I miss it all. I miss him. The him I am referring to is the man I met at camp, the one who would stare at me from across the room just to see if I had noticed it. The one that did not sweep me off my feet but managed to creep his way into my heart. Him. 

Sitting at the staircase I was when thoughts of him, me, us, everything floaded my mind. And at that time, I wished for nothing more than for time to fly faster so that I could return home.

Two days later, my wish was granted. Without hesitation, I packed my belongings and parked my luggage at the front door, ready to drag it out when it was time. My mind pretty much spaced out when I sat by the balcony, killing time as I allowed my thoughts to flood my mind. I then also realized that I wasn't feeling the way I usually do when a trip or a vacation draws to a close. There was neither a hidden longing to prolong this trip and stay for a few more days nor an urge to head home immediately. In fact, I couldn't have cared less. My feelings were pretty neutral. 

Right now, being at home and sitting in-front of my laptop, I know that this is where I want to be - and would rather be. But if I were given the chance to do it all over again - ROAD TRIP! - I would do so in a heartbeat. This trip may not have been a self-discovering journey for me, nor did it feed my wide eyes to wonder, but if there is something I got out of this trip... it is that there is no harm in trying again. After all, that's how my team and I ended up walking away with the 15th place.






P.S- This post has been prolonged for weeks now and I just thought that it was time I finished writing it up and do it some justice.