Goodbyes

After a solid month of Grand-Aunt Emily's presence in our daily lives, we bid her farewell on Sunday as her two sons escorted her out of Nanny's front gate and into the car. It's been an unusual past couple of weeks, having her around in our daily-rouined lives. Maybe it is only because we've never had a guest stay over for a whole month. But the truth is, it was odd in a nice way. Having her 95-years-old self around wasn't as much of an annoyance as I'd thought she would be. There were days when she would pester the hell out of me to do things for her, and also days when she made me laugh my socks off - She's one hilarious British-spoken old lady, I tell you.

But it was the parting of ways I didn't quite fancy. I thought it would be just like any other "Goodbye", but it wasn't. Quite recently, I've birthed a hatred towards the word, Goodbye; towards it's meaning, it's definition and everything that requires me to say it altogether. I blame it on being a little skeptical because to me, saying "Goodbye" doesn't really guarantee a person the chance of whether they'll be able to see, to hold, or spend time with the other person again. Be it for a short while or along that broad road to forever. 

Nothing is ever permanent, it's a confirmed fact. A person's life will lead to death, beauty will fade, morning will turn to night, love leads to scattered hearts.... all in the course of time. Everything comes to a end, just like a train stopping at it's last station for good. Goodbyes will be said, someway or another, no matter how much we may try to avoid saying it. And there's nothing our humanly actions and thoughts can do about it. I guess we just have to make every Goodbye count - with more meaning.

Would not getting the chance to say Goodbye, hurt a little less?  Heck no. What I'm sure of is that it digs a hallow spot in a person's life, leaving him/her in a state of abandonment. I'd know the feeling only too well. Three years ago, I was never granted the chance to say my last words to my late Grandpa. And till' this very day, memories and replays of what went down when it all happened haunts me, sucking me into a whirlwind of emotions like it's penance for not making sure I got my ass home from Langkawi 3 days earlier.

I'd cry myself to sleep for countless of nights, and would keep wishing for the hands of time to rewind. But after awhile, that heavy cloud of depression cleared and when I realized I was making pointless wishes, everything stopped abruptly - the crying and the wishing.

Although, this didn't change anything.

I'd still like nothing more than to have the chance to spend afternoons sitting next to him, to laugh at his jokes; cook him the French omelet he loves; follow him to town and to just make every second count. I'd whisper, "I love you" in his ear like I never did and do all the stuff we never got to do together. You know, just the simple things I used to take for granted. And I'm sure that this time, things would be more meaningful.

Oh well, this will just be one of those chapters when Goodbye means a whole lot more than just Goodbye.

So before I digress any further,

What would you do if you were blessed with the chance to say the Goodbye you wish you had?