Abstinence is the key

It's been days since I'd last ran my fingers over the keyboard to type out thoughts that have been sparked in my mind. And honestly, I feel guilty. Over these past few days, I've realized just how many people or shall I say, the readers of this little nook, expect me to update on a daily basis. I apologize to disappoint  because I just can't spend my hours penning down my thoughts and expressing my true feeling in words as I have a whole load of studying to do. Pre - SPM trials are just around the corner, which will be on the 2nd week of July and still, I can't confidently say that I'll ace all the subjects with flying colors. I'm just not confident like that.

In hopes of making up for lost time, I should probably get started on the highlight of month. One of the highlights, that is. As you must have already read my tweets or saw pictures on Facebook about Pledges and whatnots, I willingly enrolled myself in a seminar which is known as No Apologies. It's basically a seminar which stresses on the downfalls and risks of having sex before marriage. It also gives an awareness to some teenagers whom have not been exposed to what the three letter word - S.E.X - is all about. Although I'm fully aware of what sex is truly about, I enrolled anyway in hopes to gain a better understanding about it - Why should we 'wait'?, being one of my questions.


Growing up in a Christian family, I wasn't as hellbent as most teenagers are at my age. I followed orders, made an effort to go to Church every Sunday morning and didn't do anything outrageous such as drugs or promiscuity. It was simply because I had a very good morale ground, all thanks to my parents. They taught me how to not be a follower of the wrong crowd, to not gravitate towards the world's negativity and most of all, to not be someone I'm not just to please other people. With that, I was in-turn taught to not lose my dignity and pride to someone who isn't my husband. I was a good girl, I still am. But I'm just like any ordinary teenager too. I allowed my heart to be captured by guys with raging hormones, snuck out at night, played truant, and did a whole list of things I was not supposed to. After having done those things, came a whole lot of regretting which I had to endure. Lessons were learned, when those storms of regret passed.

In this seminar, I learned so many new things which strengthened my faith and my belief.

I learned:

•  The choice we make will lead to consequences we have to deal with for the rest of our lives. 
• Make a wise choice today and you'll be a wise person. 
• If you don't have a problem, don't go looking for one. 
• Girls look for love, whereas boys look for sex. It's a common thing! 
• SEX is not the way to go to prove your love for another. 
• When you have had sex, your respect for yourself as well as for your partner decreases. 
• When your saying NO to something in the present, you are saying YES to it in the future. 
• I'd rather begin with a life that has limited boundaries rather than have no boundaries at all because then, I'll be able to choose the lifestyle I'd want to live. And it would be a stable lifestyle. 
• A relationship is like a chemical reaction. When it starts, it has no end. 

And so the list goes on and on...

After taking real-life experiences and stories into account, I made a vow to myself to abstain until my wedding night as sex should be a within the bonds of a committed, faithful marriage, where love and life grows between that one man and one woman. Thousands of people must have already made promises as such to themselves but how many have actually stuck to it in the long-run? or have only made those promises for the sake of not being the odd one out? All I know is, I can't speak for anyone but myself.

What I'm trying to say is that I'd choose to present myself as a virgin to my husband on my wedding night without worrying about him finding out about my promiscuous past because I know in my heart that there was no one else before him whom was special enough. As the saying goes, "Virginity is a gift that can only be unwrapped once". Because from what I've been told, it is the ultimate gift a wife can ever give her husband on their wedding night; the gift of innocence and purity.

After watching a video that was shown during the seminar, something one of the women shared tugged at my heartstrings.

"If I could go back and re-write time, I wouldn't have given myself to someone my wishful thinking lead me to believe was the one for me. Because if he was the one, waiting until our wedding night would have been a stroll in the park. But it's too late for that right now as all I can say is that sex before marriage leads to me not knowing what being truly loved feels like. I will never truly know what it feels like to be loved sincerely and to live a fairytale life with the one I love. My stolen innocence is something I would have to live with for the rest of my life".
- I'm paraphrasing but it means the same.

I've said it a million times before and I'll say it again for old time's sake; I respect God, I respect my family and I respect myself and so, I'm gonna do the right thing and what is best for me.