You've gotta make an effort.

I learnt a few days ago that if someone wants to be apart of your world, your life, they would make an effort. So there's no need to reserve a place for them. And having acknowledged it only now, I'm speaking my mind about a few very personal issues.

Before you jump into any conclusions, I'm not in a relationship with anyone who is dear enough to break me. Heck, I don't have a man in my life at all right now. But the funny thing is that when I don't have a man, I'm constantly thinking about how greater it's gonna be when that special someone comes along. And I must say that the anticipation is driving me insane. I'm constantly thinking about whether I'll be able to trust him, whether we'll last a lifetime....
 

Some quiet, alone time during service this morning sparked some thoughts about the qualities of someone (guys) I'd want in my life. This may sound pretty chessy, predictable, cliche and whatnot but these are my qualities or should I say, the characteristics I'd love to come across.

P.S - I apologize if this stirs up any dissatisfaction or think that I'm talking about them, but please know that I'm not. Maybe I am but I'm never telling so you're just gonna have to figure it out for yourself. Comprende?


Here goes:

• I don't want someone who thinks that he's good-looking enough to get any girl in the world, who thinks he is worthy of their love and trust.

• I want someone humble.

• I want someone who'd think that when they meet that special someone, they'd be lucky enough to get a glimpse of her.

• I want someone brave enough to admit his mistakes and own up to the consequences that have yet to come.

• I don't want someone who'd only be there when things are going great and everything is just like a bed of roses.

• I want, scratch that, NEED someone to be there even when the grounds are shaky and the walls that we both built around us are crumbling down.

• I want someone who'd only flirt with me and not every breathing female who he thinks is qualified as "sexy".

•   I don't expect him to think about me every minute of the day or feel the need to call and text me 24/7.

• Even when we're miles apart, I'd like to think that apart of him is with me and he has apart of me. And not just any part; his heart.

• If you expect me to trust you, you've gotta do your part and trust my judgment and my decisions too.

• When it comes to trust, it doesn't come easy but if you're willing to prove it to me, it counts.

• Be protective, be caring because I love it. It shows me that you care. But don't be that way with every girl - be it your ex's or your girl friends.

• I want someone who'd keep their word and not just talk the talk.

• I want someone who'd make the effort to be apart of my world - get along with my circle of friends etc etc.

• If he's gonna quote poetry or song lyrics for me, he shouldn't do it for anyone else.

• Whatever he calls me, he shouldn't call anyone else. It won't have any semblance of it being something special between two people.

• I want someone who'd be afraid of losing me and not think that I'll always be by his side no matter the circumstances.

The list just goes on and on... you have no idea.


You think I'm too oblivious and blur to not know what's been going on all this while... But I sure as hell do. I'm through with fighting and arguing and doing all the confronting. I don't want to mould someone into becoming what I want him to be. I may be happy with the result but will he? It'll all be to no avail then. If he's gonna change, he's gonna have to do it all by himself.

I don't mean to come off as a Little Miss Bossy but, to all the girls out there, you have to set standards for yourself. You can't just be swept off by any man who is clever enough to camouflage those textbook pick-up lines with lies. Just when you think you know him well enough to put your utmost trust in him, please consider re-thinking it a million times before you do so. Nothing is as it seems. Remember that phrase? It's the reason why I'm so immune to those who say they care, who say they miss me... who say they love me. Trusting them is one thing and believing their every word is another. It's no wonder my ability to believe and trust someone, which was so much easier in my early years, has now transitioned into me being a soul whom has four solid walls caving around her.

I can't keep putting up with all the lies and all hurt, and hoping that everything will be okay. Because in reality, life isn't such a fairytale.

Before I break down or do anything irrational, I'm ending it here.