Afternoon sparks

It's times like these when loneliness bombards it's way into my emotions, leaving me vulnerable and hopeless. But I suppose I brought this feeling onto myself. My siblings and their bunch of friends, have hit the streets of KL to roam around town, leaving me here all cooped up in my grandma's home, yet again. While it may seem harmless to spend a mere two hours of the day watching a movie, it was like committing a crime to me and so I refused to give in to temptation. Temptation failed to win me over simply because I now have my eyes set on a goal; raising up my grades.
 

I don't want to sit unprepared and blank for my upcoming exams. I don't want to wonder if I gave it my all, when awaiting for them to be fully marked and when they are handed back to us, I don't want to give in to settling for what's exceptional. I just don't want to feel sorry for myself while my other friends are rejoicing over their own achievements. It's stupidly pointless. And so by me making this decision to stay back home and bury my head in books ( 5 hours straight! ) , I'm making a point to try giving it my best shot before I decide to give up. That's the least I could do, don't you think so?

It being the week of my school holidays, I've been putting in extra hours for revising and studying. Too much, in fact. Zits have been dominating a small portion of my face and headaches have been a very frequent visitor - these are signs of me studying too much. Ridiculous, but true. But surprisingly, my complexion is still maintaining it's glow and subtleness. That, I have to be thankful for. After all, since it is the holidays, I've taken the advantage to catch up on some of the movies I've been dying to watch. I can now scratch off Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief and Legion from my "To- Watch" list. Soon, I'll be able to do the same with Remember Me, Toothfairy, Alice In Wonderland and Valentine's Day. It's the waiting that's killing me!

Besides reality, I've been complemented with a couple of very interesting dreams. Dreams that had tasks for me to complete, and favours for me to do. Sometimes I wonder whether the dreams I have are signs. Signs that are trying to reveal the bigger picture of something or to lead me to someone. I'm in a rut as I have no idea. These signs are very much a blur, only revealing parts and parcels that can never summarize the bigger picture. So I'm doing what I can; nothing.

Now on a media tune, I've been having a Glee overdose as of late. It's really addictive. It's like my Wednesday night dose of happiness. It's not the drama and the story-line that's keeping me hooked but Rachel's impeccable voice. Her voice is simply amazing. Every time I hear her sing "Don't stop believing" and "Defying Gravity", tears start to well up around my eyes. It's moments like these when I do realize how much in common Kara DioGuardi and I share when we listen to beautiful songs sung by amazing voices.

Glee is rubbing off on me. So much that I now play songs sang by the Glee Cast in the shower and sing along to them. I'm a leap closer to having my dreams come true.

P.S - It's been 3 years since my Grandpa moved on to the other side; Heaven. In Loving Memory. "I miss you more than words can say", I murmured under my breath so that no one else misses you more. With love.