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I was laying in bed one chilly night, snuggling up to little Edward and wrapped cocoon-like in my cotton blanket. And as a routine, the thought of you crosses my other daily thoughts and this time, it brought me back to two years ago. I don't remember exactly the times and dates but the memories are vivid enough.
I remember how we'd talk till' the sun arose - it wasn't a very smooth and flowing conversation but we held on the line, despite the awkward silences in between. I remember there was one time you asked me to sing you a song and if I didn't, you'd hang up. I did and the song I was brave enough to sing to you was "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too". I remember you laughing that charming laugh and saying how cute it sounded from the other end of the line.
I also remember that one time while we were on the line with each other, you began telling me about the Roman Gods and how legendary and inspiring their history was to you. I was pretty fascinated too, at first but after sometime I got bored but I still listened because you were sharing something that meant something to you. How can I complain?
There was also that one special night out at the park. You gave me a symbol of the other half of your heart and fastened it around my neck. And you made me promise to always wear it - which I did. Even though I couldn't wear it around my neck in school, I kept it safe in my pocket.
Another memory was the first time you kissed me. It was nothing like the first kiss I'd hope to experience - everything felt completely wrong - but it happened and it left me speechless for a very long time. I stammered just to say a simple "Bye" to you and when we were texting that night, I still couldn't stop smiling. Trust me, I had a night filled with sweet dreams.
These are the few memories that make me smile, ever so often. At that time, three years ago, all you had to do was appear on my cellphone screen and I thought to myself, "He cares". All you had to do was call and keep me company throughout the entire night and I was convinced you felt the same way I did for you. You made me feel wanted and special. You were there. That was all you had to do and I was head-over-heels in love.
As for the memories I wish to never relive, there too are quite a number.
I remember so clearly the time you tore my heart in two. After whisking me of my feet and making me believe you were the ONE, I found out you already belonged to somebody else. I just wish you came and told me up-front you know. When you did tell me, it was too late. I'd already fallen too deep. I was to deep below the sea level of love that I continued with you, even though I knew the truth. Of course it made me feel cheap and worthless but I did it anyway cause' it was you.
I also remember the time when you were forced to make a decision between me and the other girl. As I look back on it now, I cringe at how stupid I was. I should have just left. I should have just said "Goodbye". Because love shouldn't be so complicated. If I was the one your heart beats for, it wouldn't have to be such a hard decision to make.
After finding out lie after lie, I remember considering leaving for good. I replayed the whole scenario in my head over and over again but never really had the guts to come out a say it to you. I remember those miserable nights spent curled up in bed, with tears welling up in my eyes.
I remember how jealous you were at the fact that I had a guy as a best friend. There was one night you asked me the difference between yourself and him.When it came to what I love about my best friend, I had so much to say but when it came to you, I didn't. That's just it, you make me speechless. But you couldn't accept my answer and so you hung up. That entire night, I layed awake in bed thinking of what I'd said that made you feel the way you did.
And the memories just go on and on... So I'm pressing the "Stop" button.
If you are reading this, I only want to say a few things.
First, I love you just the same I did the day I fell in love with you. It's not the puppy-love you thought it was for it's bonds are still strong and my heart still beats for only you. Whatever happened in the past, will always remain in the past. As much as you have put me through, I'm still here. I'm still here standing right in front of you, just waiting for time to fly faster so that an "US" can bloom. I forgive you because I believe we make sense. And I now know you feel the same way too. So, a second chance has already been given for you to prove yourself to me. You made a promise to me. A promise you dare to keep.
"Promises mean everything but once they are broken, sorry means nothing."
And from the many serious conversations we have had, you say you are. And I believe you. I believe you and I believe US. I trust you enough for you know your limits and stay true to me. So, please, I leave my heart in your hands. Let's not give up now, let's not give up all the times we've shared. Let's stay true to each other - no matter where we go and who we are with, let's come home to each other. Let's fight for this love. Simply cause' it's worth fighting for.
As for the question you asked me about what you mean to me, all those years ago, here is the answer.
I'm not gonna say you mean the world, even though you do. I'm not gonna say I can't live without you, even though I can't. I'm not gonna claim that my hear beats for only you, even though it does.
But what I'm gonna say is that...
I don't love you cause' you are here and it's convenient. I don't love you cause' of your looks and flamboyance. I don't love you cause' of the stolen kisses and the warm hugs we share. I don't love you cause' there's no one else. And I don't love you cause' I can't live without you. Because I can. I just don't want to. But what you should know is that my heart has found it's home and it's with you. Most of all, I love you simply because you are YOU.
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