walking on snow


Scars tend to lure me back in to the very exact emotional state I was in once upon a time, every now and then, when I'm able to recall past heart-aching situations that left me with those scars in the first place. Every once in a while, when privacy comes knocking on my door, I curl up in bed and allow potent drops of tears to roll down my cheeks.

Seeing him the other day felt like that.
 
A rush of emotion flood through me. That uncontrollable and unpredictable emotion. That emotion that overwhelms logic and common sense. My heart beated a jagged rhythm. The reckless journey of it all came rushing back. It was the love I had for him all those years ago. A naive, young and erratic love then but now, it's true, pure and more than ever, real.

A few days ago, we met up. Surprisingly so, for the second time, he was just as nice as he could be (as nice as his ego allowed him to). By nice, I mean no quarreling was done, no slapping or pinching, no being mean to me...and whatnot. He was the way I'd always hoped he'd be but less. I was just sitting there and taking in the wonderful night and listening as he shared his latest happenings. Truth be told, I'm not one for being a good listener as I only choose to listen to what I want. But with him, I listened. Or tried to, anyways.

When all the catching up was done, he walked me home. Which was another surprise for me, as he drove his car and usually, he'll never do this sort of thing. But he did and it was a nice scroll back home with him by my side. He made sure I knew exactly where to go (as I'm a total bimbo, sometimes). He walked me all the way to the steps and wished me goodbye with a warm, big hug and a kiss on my forehead.

I'm called stupid just by having all these feelings rushing through me for him again, but I'd do it anyway cause' this time, I don't have the slightest clue of how the ending would turn out to be.