it's a journey


Every now and then I'm reminded of the loneliness I once felt when one of my loved one's crossed over to the light. I'm reminded just by a significant handkerchief they used to blow their nose in, the armchair they always used to fall asleep on, the books I'd used to see them reading. Little things like that.

And every now and then, though I try, it's hard to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. At some point, I give up on doing so. Once in awhile, I'd let the tears fall, in hope of washing away... Pain. Grief. Hurt. Regret. And then I'm back to my usual self.

Every now and then, I remember. Remember of what it used to be like having them around - having him around. Then, I'm all vulnerable again. People tell me not to think about it, not to dwell in the past. But then it crosses my mind, If I think about it, I'm scared it would soon be forgotten and all I'd be left with are just fragments of vivid memories I've once shared with them.

On one hand, it's about this (read above) and on the other hand, it's about not being alone.

Passers-by, people whom add me on MySpace, Facebook - whom want to know more about me - constantly ask me whether I'm attached or not. When I say I'm not, they'll ask why. As though it's unbelievable. Then that's when they'll make attempts on winning over my heart - by constantly complementing my looks, writing loves notes and mailing them to me via e-mail or even insisting on taking me to dinner (none of them win, at the end). But still, it isn't enough to shake my grounds. People as charming as the one in my dreams, may have come my way but I choose not to fall deep. I choose to stay the way I am - single - because I don't believe happiness is only felt when you're with someone. I believe that happiness is when you're in your own skin and you feel happy despite not having anyone around to share it with.

I'm living proof of it with nothing but happiness.