When my day couldn't get any worse


I've tried to look onto the brighter side on the particular misunderstandings that took place today. But somehow, I'm somewhat forced to ponder on the opposite.

Can't lie and say this is one of my favourite days.

I've recently acknowledged that I've flunked three subjects in this mid-year exam - Add Maths, Accounts and History; the subject I was sure I wasn't going to fail. But I guess I was wrong.
Though I have to be thankful for not failing in my Bahasa Malaysia, this time.

Still, my hearts not at peace. I mean, how can it be? When I'm aware that my subjects are slowly flunking. I'm not qualified to take a break nor a short nap (though i really need one).

I've gotta work my ass off to achieve the grades I've set as goals even when I've got house work that takes up most of my time these days.

I can't just sit here and watch my grades slowly descend in front of my eyes. I can't just pray and hope that God will take care of everything. I can't just give up now even if i know I haven't put much effort into it to begin with.

I just can't.

So, this is where my determination steps in the picture. I'm willing to sacrifice my comfortableness for good grades in my studies.

I want to be the one responsible for that smile across my parents and grandma's face, responsible for the tears streaming down their faces in the name of joy. I want to be able to run into their arms, screaming, "I did i, I finally did it". I want to be able to hand them my report card without the slightest feeling of guilt, fear or doubt in my gut.

Ahh, if only words spoken would automatically turn into actions involuntarily.


On another note, my dad had spoken to me rather harshly this evening due to his acknowledment of me walking home alone and lousy time management (in his words). I admit, I don't take scoldings very well, never have. So, it was hard for me to accept the fact that i've just got off the phone with my dad whom was yelling at me from the other line. I hated it. The next thing i knew, tears were streaming down my gloomy face.