I could possibly, probably, maybe still live

I'm sitting alone in a corner of the empty space I used to call home while I gather my thoughts to what brings me here this time. As a matter of fact, I don't even know what I want to say. All I did know when I asked Uncle Kevin to drop me off at the condo was that I wanted to write, spend some time on my own and just write - also because I suddenly felt that it was obligatory to update my blog, judging from another recent series of being M.I.A yet again. And once again it is proven that I cannot commit. However so, the trouble with commitment is only with the relationship I have with my little nook in the blogosphere and nowhere else nor with anyone else (just in case you were wondering, that's all).

You see, ever since moving in with my Grandma, it's as if I just walked right in a bubble that blocks me from the world in motion that is around me and there's no way out. There's no wi-fi nor any internet connection here, where I live, and a few months ago, this bothered my socks off and was the reason I kept putting off moving in with my grandma earlier. But now, a few months later, after having made promises (explained in previous post!) and succeeded at keeping it, I realized that the few months I spent being cut-off from the cyber world has made room for so much more things - productive things -I could have filled the hours in my day with instead of going on Facebook to entertain numerous friend requests, notifications, picture comments which would very rarely come to an end; scrolling through the art of photographers and writers and wishing I could be just as good; or even tweeting to the whole world about what I'm doing at this very moment and only reporting of doing something entirely different a second later. Well, I also realized that without all these things, I still have a life and I'm proud to say that my life and the happiness I experience doesn't rely on excellent wi-fi connections but on the way I choose to live and the decisions I make.

Apart for the new born freedom I gained from being cut-off from the cyber world, I even managed to do some reading - actually read, instead of just looking at my collection of books from afar and knowing the sad, disappointing reality that I need to study, study and study first. And oh god, I was so over the moon and got carried away with the liberty I had and finished One Day by David Nicholls in a period of 3 days. Speaking of which, sometimes, to my realization, I don't really engulf the true beauty of the written word but instead am so caught-up with a goal to finish reading a book as soon as possible. I don't know why but as ridiculous as it may sound, it's no less the truth and I sometimes wish I had the patience and will to start from the beginning over and over again, until I'm satisfied.


On another note, I'm currently enjoying whatever is left of my little holiday. Waking up at noon, calling it a night when the sun comes up, reading avidly, giving cooking a go.... etc etc. Among all the other decisions I've made, I have also decided to mend a few broken bridges with people whom I didn't want to spend the rest of my life not talking to, or probably even hating. It's just not worth it and if I may, it is so fucking tiring. So for a change, I told myself that from now onwards, instead of belittling and putting people down, I'm going to be nice - despite of whether we get along or not. I told myself that I'm not going to associate myself with negative people but instead surround myself with those who encourage me, guide me, protect me and those who just say it like it is

Hopefully this stand/decision I'm making lasts longer than the time I spent typing it out. Hah!