Letters I'll never send

I was reminded a few days ago by a close friend that if I have something to say and get off my chest, I should just come out and say it and not hesitate - despite whether feelings will get hurt or I may be the cause of buried issues being unraveled. But because I've never been the kind of person to just say it as it is, I'd usually just beat around the bush. Or bottle it all up inside to the extent when it feels like it's a ticking bomb just waiting to explode. That said, a series of emotions have been visiting me quite recently and it has stirred up feelings I don't usually encounter. Right now, my heart is heavy and I just got to let it all out.

Dear you - You are my other half, my best friend, my partner in crime, my bimbo buddy, my soul sister... you name it! And no man can make me feel the way you do - at least, not for the time being. But recently, something has changed with you. You used to be different. You never belonged to a clique and was fine on your own, with your handful of close friends. And I grew to love that girl. I loved her because she lived without trying to impress others, without putting other people's opinions before her's. But you're not her anymore. Maybe she is somewhere deep down within you, all you need to do is look for her.

"Some of the most wonderful people don't fit into boxes". 

Dear you - I got to know you not too long ago (through a friend) but have yet to meet you in person. I doubt it would be anytime soon because we're oceans apart. But although the distance between is mighty, it is not an issue as we have become so close. I'm still in bewilderment about how our friendship blossomed but I guess it was along the period of time spent being "body guards" of that someone's achy-breaky heart. I know it takes a lot of time to trust someone but somehow, I already trust you. I can now come to you with anything, and share things with you I'd normally only tell my best friend because I look to you as the big brother I never had.

Dear you - It's still so surreal how we've managed to remain as best friends - from my first year in high school till' this very day. When the people whom I thought were going to stick with me until forever walked out, you didn't. You stood by me, and always had my back. And for that, I'll be forever grateful to you. Of course, we don't get to spend as much time with each other as before but it's okay. All I'm saying is that I miss you, that is all.

Dear you - We have always been and will always be the best of friends, but recently,I've been feeling like the odd one out. Maybe it's because we aren't in the same stream or maybe it's just our friendship being on shaky grounds. It feels like I've been replaced, and the spot next to you that has always been reserved for me just got cancelled. But you see, it's not too late to pick up where we left off. For the years we've spent to get where we are today, I'm not willing to give our friendship up without a fight.

Dear you - The level of confidence you seem to portray in getting every single guy you chat up just comes off as plain desperate, if you ask me. It's a pathetic act to claim you have fallen in love with someone and seconds later, fall out of it. Especially when it comes to people you don't know or have never met before. Love doesn't come and go that easily, so think again. You have a pretty face, but just not the brains to go with it.

Dear you - I apologize if turning you down sent pulses of hatred towards me flowing in your bloodstream. I just wanted to refrain from being in a relationship that is based on pity. It's not supposed to be the foundation in any relationship, for that matter. You are sweet and all and too good of a friend for me to lose. Let's remain as just friends, what say you?

Dear you - As I make an attempt to sum up my feelings for you, I realize that there just isn't the perfect feeling to choose from - It's like a fusion of the rarest of feelings. Simply because you've been such a blessing, honestly. You never fail to make me smile and that phone call the other day made me wish I was with someone like you. My best friends have this gut feeling that we might end up together in the future but I'm not counting on it. I guess I'd rather it be a mystery than something impossible I'd anticipate and hope for. Let's just be there for each other, you and me, and if it's meant to be, it'll be written in the stars.

Dear you - I've buried everything that is of you in the deepest and darkest pit of my mind. Every memory, every smile, every ride around the neighbourhood; everything... I've become so used to your absence that redeeming my feelings towards you to say what I need is sounding imbecilic. So, I'm going to keep my opinions and thoughts about you a secret that is only shared between my mind and myself. But what I will do is embrace the absence of your pathetic ass!


Dear you - Truly grateful I am of the fact you are just another stray thought. I'm glad I don't have to plaster on a smile when we're in the same room together or act nice and put up with your crap anymore. I am so done. You reminded me of why I don't place my trust in people like you in the first place. So much for fighting to save our friendship. Now all you have is her, only because she doesn't have a choice. Even that will change, soon.

________________

Letting out all these bottle-up feelings sure is therapeutic. I feel very liberated right now.

P.S - This might just be the last entry until after my SPM trials are over. So, until then, Ta!