I'd found out stuff that gave me a hard time to accept, and believe. My mouth was hung open in disbelief. This is when the saying, "Never judge a book by it's cover" rings true. I can't believe how oblivious I've been to what's been happening in their lives - how careless of me. Sometimes being a sneaky brown nose in a person's life would only lead to them striking you out of their lives for good, but then again, not caring enough to find out what's been going on is called being stuck-up. If we're lucky enough, we'd find out their recent happenings without any questions asked. In this situation, I wasn't so lucky.
A friend whom has been brought up in a Christian family all his life, has two grandparents who are pastors, whom spent at least an hour a day doing devotions and communicating with God, is now a social smoker. He confessed to not being as close to God as he was when he was little. He picks up the Bible every now and then and tries to pick up where he left off but something refrains him from doing so. At night, when a prayer is supposed to be said to be thankful for all that has happened in the day, he admits to not finding the purpose to do so anymore.
The second friend is a girl whom has been brought up with the silver spoon in her mouth, more or less. Her parents used to serve in the Children's Ministry. I used to look at her and think, "Wow, she's one lucky girl" as she gets everything she wants and gets her way most of the time. I used to envy her - of her clothes, her stuff. Then I found out that she, too, started smoking. My perspective of her was that she was too innocent to do anything bad besides making-out with her boyfriend (which is also not a bad thing), and it's true. She does look innocent. After what I found out the other day, it still is a lot to take in all at once.
Lastly, the guy whom I used to like. I used to like this guy from church, whose name I won't be mentioning anytime soon. Besides his bad-boy look, I fell for him because he was unlike any other guy I'd normally cross paths with. He was a gentleman, as he would always pay for my drink each time we were done catching up. He didn't smoke and would always ask about my day. He was nice. Through my eyes, he was everything a girl could ever want and then some. And even though he was pretty shy around me, I took it as a sign that he was nervous. In truth, he was. I suppose he knew I feel something for him and he felt the same. But before anything happened, we drifted apart and staying as just friends, too, was becoming such a strain. Then when contact between us was lost, I found out that he was a smoker and a mat rempit. Another moment of disbelief here.
I know I don't have the right to judge anyone but when I see a girl smoking, the thought which inevitably sparks in my mind is CHEAP! CHEAP! CHEAP! And this thought of mine I second by a few close guy friends of mine. When a guy smokes, he is considered to be cool and whatnot. So they say. But when a girl smokes, her reputation is automatically crippled into ashes. That girl would only exude the vibe of not having any respect for herself. But hey, who am I to judge? I'm just voicing out my perspectives. To random strangers, I'd say, "To each their own" but when it comes to people I care for, what can I possibly say?
Socializing and being in bad company doesn't influence you to do bad things. It doesn't point a riffle at the temple of your head and demands you to do something you don't want to do. The choice is in our hands and whether we choose the right choice or the wrong one, the decision was made by us. In this case, they chose to follow the wrong-doings of their circle of friends in order to have that semblance of belonging and to be wanted. That's the mistake they made.
Although I may be surrounded by bad company on almost every given day, I chose to stay strong in my beliefs and principles. I chose to listen to all the advice my loved ones have taken the time to share with me. I'm already old enough to differentiate the right from wrong and since I have the power to do the right thing, I don't see why I should throw it away and be someone completely different just to belong. I respect God, my family and myself too much.
"To be yourself in a world that's constantly trying to make you someone else is the greatest achievement" - Unknown.
And I realized that I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.
Peace.
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