Wishful thinking

Where do I even begin? These past few days have been tough, tougher than most days. My mornings haven't been as sunny and bright as usual and my nights, too, have not been starry and lit. It's pretty miserable, the feeling. My sleeping hours have been minimized and when I wake up in the morning, my face will be a dewy mess and will be complemented with dark circles under my eyes. If I were to head out in such a state, I'd swear people would run for their lives... Or plainly just cringe.

My life is not always like a fairytale, you know. A junior of mine answered a Facebook Social Interview question asking, "What song reminds you of Kristen Alyssa?". And she answered, Today was a fairytale by Taylor Swift. When I questioned her response, she replied that my life does seem like a fairytale. Being slightly pessimistic, I disagreed.

Because truth be told, it's not. Never has been.

 

If it's such a fairytale, then it's all camouflage baby! Sure, I may walk into a shop and instantaneously all eyes will be on me. The workers will willingly attend to my every whim and fancy with nothing but warm smiles on their glowing faces. I may get things done my way even if it took a little eye-batting and sweet-talking. Every once in awhile, a cute guy may come my way and approach me by being a complete gentleman instead of a howling wolf. And sometimes, after being a little rebel, I get away with it. But luck isn't always on my side, you see.

My life is really like a journey of endless crossroads. Being aged right smack in-between adulthood and teenage-hood, every step I take is a journey. It's filled with trials and tribulations, tears and heartache and... misunderstandings and false judgment. Although it is as such, I manage to live through each day because I have faith. Faith that everything in the long-run would be nothing but a smooth-sailing journey. Faith that The One for me will cross my path someday and it will be for Forever. Faith that I wouldn't face financial difficulties or poverty or even face being homeless. As faith means having a confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, concept or thing. It also means having faith that the hardships we sometimes face in life are still endurable and bearable.

On another more updated note, my relatives from Singapore are in town for the weekend. Relatives from my Dad's side, to be exact. Although the memories I have of them are a little blurry, I managed to differentiate each of them. 'Twas only a couple of years ago when I used to pinch their chubby cheeks and run around the house playing along to hide-and-seek just for their sake - their grubby hands smudging and running through every single facial feature on my face. Annoying yet when they shoot their pitiful puppy eyes in your direction, how can you mutter a word other than "Aww..."? When it comes to the little ones, I can't help but be a fool and fall for their adorableness.

Today, it being their last day here in KL, we met up with them after church to have lunch. Berjaya Times Square was the chosen destination. Am not sure why but I'm guessing it had everything to do with the fact that there is an indoor theme-park - Cosmo World. It's pretty runned down for my taste in thrill and excitement but for the little ones, anything goes. Being the eldest cousins, I, along with my brother and sister had to babysit the younger ones. They were bouncing with energy so much that they could be compared to energetic hamsters in a cage, running on the wheel. It was as if they have just been set free after being caged for ages. They wanted to go on every ride, each at least twice. I was hesitant at first but after much pestering, I gave it. Everything was going well until I inquisitively wanted to try going on the Spinning Orbit (the one similar to a swing but worse) It was so tormenting, till' I cried. My head started throbbing and I felt nauseous. I don't suffer from Acrophobia but anything life-threatening or heart-racing... I don't fancy so much.

Whereas for the younger ones, the more life-threatening the better. Them, being at an age where everything seems out of this world, it is only natural for them to be inquisitive and curious about everything within their radius. Their kids, still growing and learning something new each day.

 I can only pray for them to grow up into fine young ladies and lad.

As for the picture of you and me love sometimes makes perfect, it now feels as if I'm on a never-ending roller coaster, yet again. While I've been refraining myself from all the worrying and long hours of crying, I've kept myself busy by helping to ease the burden and worry carried by a close friend of mine. She, too, is going through a similar situation.

Love is erratic and unpredictable, you know. One moment you are all head over heels and the next, you are falling from the skies. That's just the way it is. Love can't always be played safe. Sometimes you need to dive right into it to find what it is you have been missing. Anything can be done in the name of love, but one thing... Telling someone you love them and taking it back.

 If you ask me, it just proves that you have yet to experience the awesomeness that is Love. Because first of all, it's not just an insignificant word you can just throw around and expect it not to mean anything. It's a very deep, meaningful, heart-wrenching, happy, unpredictable word. And a very powerful one it is, too.

Let everything slide, take things one step at a time because at the end of that never-ending journey both of you have walked on, you both will be able to sit back and enjoy what you both have accomplished - growing in love and seeing it last.