you may not believe me but, all i want is you

I suppose it's about time I write about what this particular songs has meant and still means to me. Cause' it's been put on hold for way too long and it's still me beyond me, really, why the idea of this song keeps surfacing up from all the other ideas I've had. Considering it as a sign, I shall proceed before it gets washes away. 

The song, being Only You by the Bratz  

Love songs, or simply just songs with really good and meaningful lyrics, sure do somehow manage to creep it's way up to a persons heart, pull at their heartstrings and leave them vulnerable. I believe those who are in relationships can get what I mean. If not the whole picture, bits and pieces of it at least. Though I'm not in a relationship at the moment, I was. I used to describe every aspect of my life through songs and quotes. And every once in awhile, I still do. It varies with my mood and situations. But this song, Only You still remains at the top of my list. 

Two years ago, I still considered myself to be young and naive as any other ordinary teenage girl in love. Yes, I was in love. As the cliché goes, "It was love at first sight". Though the ending wasn't such a happily ever after one. It was the first time I've ever felt this way, with all sorts of wild emotions causing' chills down my spine and causing' my heart to beat fast and slow at the same time, I really was in love. I knew it, it was real. It just had to be.

Much to my dismay - well, being blinded by his everything - I was in a love triangle. In this hell-hole of a dilemma where he couldn't make a decision. Being the naive little me at the time, I was too blind to see through all that camouflage he put up, all that bullshit. It was even more disappointing when he kept letting me down, time and time again, when all I needed was for him to be my pillar of strength during those hard moments. 

I first listened to this song when I was on my way to Rome, two years ago. When I first listened to it, I teared as if I'd never run out of tears. It was as if the song was about my life, at the time. So similar and true, all the same. I'd made it apart of my playlist and I remember playing it over and over again throughout the entire flight. I guess I can say it was the only song I found closure in.

It somehow helped me cope with my 'then' tempestuous and reckless self. 

This song also soothed my grieving heart when my Grandfather passed away that very year. Every time I listened/listen to this song, a rush of emotions just comes flooding in and I'm back to my vulnerable and emotional self. It somehow became the only song I listened to throughout my holiday in Rome, other than There you'll be by Faith Hill, that is. 

"And I see your face there when I close my eyes. 

And I can't erase the way I fell inside. 

I sill remember all we shared. 

How much I wish you knew,

That I... miss you".

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face, I felt his warm embrace. I could still feel his love for me. That's how close-knitted we were. I didn't want to move on, much less try to do so cause' I was afraid. Afraid of losing him from my memory, my dreams and thoughts. Afraid of not recalling those times when he'd sit me on the sofa and teach me literature or sit with me at the piano and run through every note with me.... The memories just never end. It all goes without saying, that I miss that old man.


Love always.