because it has always been you

I've done a lot of thinking lately.
...which brings me to rant it all out here as the written word.

This is not another "What traits do I look for in a guy?" list nor is this another emotional post, to myself. It simply is... Reality.

 __________

You exist. You're here. We're apart but very much in love. If that's what all these feelings sum up to be; Love.

I'm not surprised at how deeply I feel for you.

I chose the path that many fear to chose; the heartbreak, the tears, the thrill...the long nights of staying awake. And by that choice, it has lead me to you.

Not many support my decision as their intentions are good. Simply because they have that gut feeling that tells them, he'll do it again. I don't blame them. They love me and they don't want to see me broken beyond despair as they have before.

But he's here, existing in my life as he did all those years ago. Buried beneath all that camouflage, I know the love I had for him did not cease nor has it been transitioned to a completely different kind of love.

The love I had for him still holds it's place in my heart. It's there and I pray that it won't ever fade away.

Everything is because of him; my eyes sparkle, my lips tremble, goosebumps appear on my tanned skin, the wings of my heart flutters, my dreams, my thoughts... Him.

And I know for sure, that it's not puppy-love nor the kind of love that can disappear by the snap of my fingers.

Because I love him not because of his charming and put-together exterior, but because he makes me feel the way no one else can. Whole. Protected. Precious.

I also love him because of the littlest things he does that keeps me stationary and grounded in our love; he opens the door for me to walk in first, he pulls back the chair at lunch for me to sit, he makes me laugh by making the cutest and stupidest jokes, he pays for our lunch... he's protective.

...and because, most of all, I believe in second chances (and more), if that's what it takes.