when all I needed was room to breathe






I lay here on my bed, on Malaysia's 52nd Independence Day, with thoughts running wild, swirling in my head but can't seem to put them in writing. It's what I feel, the thoughts i think, that is stronger and more meaningful in comparison to the words I continue to type.

I know I should be... Excited. Proud of my country. But somehow the significance of the day has yet to be sunk it.

Don't get me wrong. I love Malaysia - the various races, cultures, people. Not forgetting, good food no matter what street you live in. There's always either a Pasar Malam or Bazaar Ramadhan nearby. Talk about convenience. And I know if I were meant to live in some other foreign country, I would've been there by now, but I'm not. I was meant to be a Malaysian. I think it's about time I appreciate it more often than wishing I'd lived in a foreign country/migrate there the first chance I get.


Let head back to my reality for a few moments.


Just a few moments ago, after having another morning indulged in Indian Cuisine, was Aunt Emily's departure. After a week of having her warm presence around us, we all felt closer to her in ways we thought weren't possible before. As 'goodbye' drew closer, tears welled up our eyes. It was sad to see her go. But we understood. Though, we knew she'd rather be here since here, she had company - people whom would help bring her a glass of water, to guide her around the house, to help her stand. Yes, we were told, she likes it very much here.

As I collected myself, I knew I would see her again, knew very well. During holidays that were planned, hopefully.


A few minutes later, Dad drove to Alpha Angle Wangsa Maju (that place is getting old). Intentionally, I wanted to make use of the 'Redeem in-store now!' coupon for The Body Shop which I'd cut out of my monthly subscribed magazine. But since Dad was present, with Mum at his side, there was no way I could've purchased it without hearing voices asking me, "Why do you need it for?", "What is the difference between the cleanser from Body Shop and from Guardian?"... etc. Pretty annoying. So, to prevent myself from being forced to listen to any nagging, I'd decided to let it go.

Not such a hard thing to do after all.

Speaking of which, over the past week of holidays, I'd spent a wholesome amount of money on unnecessary items. Some items I'd purchased only to sooth my materialistic want... and sometimes having to regret ever purchased it in the first place. And some because... well, it was on SALE. It's a sad, weak excuse on my part but it's true.

It often becomes a dilemma for me when torn between choices - choices of which I could/should only choose one.

So, this brings me to a conclusion I've come up with. I've decided to lodge a detailed report of my expenditures, to keep track of the money I'm spending. Which, in hope, would help me cope with the guilt that ensues me every time I, blow my money away. Otherwise, I wouldn't know to how manage my finances.


...all the more reasons to attain for the utmost best in life - Happiness. Wealth. Joy.