Turning point



I'm starting to miss numerous things, or doings I've once done or had.

I miss them all, in fact.

The feeling of absence, lost and yearning within me has been at the back of my mind for quite some time now, but for so long I've done nothing but to ignore it time and time again. At this very moment, I don't think I can continue to ignore these feelings even for a second. I've realized that the older you get, the likings, the loves you once had tend to change, to somehow divert from it's main course.

I think I've finally found what has been at the back of my mind but somehow couldn't be recognized.

The feeling of inability to do all the things I want to by now. I mean, numerous doors are now open to me. But for those which has opened up before and are still left unentered, my once so constant interest and dreams. It's the one's I've spent countless days and nights fantasizing about, thinking of the 'what if's?' in my head and such but somehow never really having them fulfilled. People often say, 'Dream big', 'Dreams are necessary to life', 'A wish is a dream your heart makes', such and so forth.

But what if, that's as far as it gets? Just being, dreams?


That's just the problem, I don't wan my dreams to just remain as dreams, I want them to be so much more than that. But I can't seem o get myself out of that dream bubble. It's like a saying, 'It's easier said than done'. Which is true, of course. There are so many things keeping me from taking the next step and I can't help but wonder why. Like a saying, 'it's never to late to be what you could have been', but I still feel that there's still a restraint hold on me. && there's no one else to blame but myself.

So many interests and loves, I still hold within me, close to this heart of mine. And I know very well that if I pursue it all well enough, keep my focus on each interest I want to pursue in life later on, I know there's a huge possibility I could be living my dreams. But how often do I get to pursue it all hard enough?

Live, Laugh, Love

I love dancing. The way the music controls your body movements, the way you gracefully make you way on the dance floor, it's beautiful body language. The way no words need to be spoken nor translated, in order to understand the statement that's intended for the audience. That's what I want to do, dance. Dance like there's no tomorrow, like no one is watching, like I've been waiting all my life for chance to do so. I want to feel the pulse of the music through my veins, the adrenaline rush down my spine. But why do I feel like there's something in my way, something keeping me from dancing? Dad always told me that, if I loved something I should go for it. Or shouldn't I?


I love indulging myself in good music. The way each and every lyric speaks to me from every dimension. The way music soulfully brings the best out of me. The way somehow along the way, I tend to find yourself singing along to every word. The way I can memorize each and every word better than I can do my History. The way I find myself challenging my voice to hit the highest note possible or even sound very alike like one of my favorite artist. I've come to realize that music is my passion, something placed highest of all on my list of things to pursue in my career. Since I was twelve, singing in the shower has become one of the favorite habits I still carry on doing till this very day. I must say, doing so has given me time and time again to be better at my vocal range. It's something I do not take for granted. My pride and joy.


I've come to realize that the greatest feeling in the world is not being better at something, but more so that you've conquered your fears. The battle against yourself. The inner voice that always tries to bring you down, that causes you to lose hope. Just overcoming them, is really the turning point of it all.


I still have that hint of hope within me, that gleaming light still shining on my pathway which tells me I can do it all if only I really chased it, never let anything stand in the way. But at some point, it seems like a little too much to handle, don't you think? No matter, I'll find out soon.