It's not going to happen this time around

I'm not going to jump in front of a car and count the seconds I'd still be alive. I'm going to dive from a tower and land flat on my face just waiting to die. I'm not going to do this anymore, not anymore.Cause' that's exactly what guys like you do to me. It's how you all make me feel. I've decided to take things one step at a time, to live in the moments and to thank God for each and every blessing he has given on to me.

It's true that i fall way too easily for a guy. He could just be helping me with my school bag or feeding me or just being caring and protective, and my tummy will be doing somersaults. That's how gullible i am. I must clarify that it's not something I'm proud of. That is why, as of today, this is something i want to turn around.


I want to be more mysterious, more contemplative. I want to be someone who doesn't let a guy in that easily. Someone who will still stay strong though her heart has been broken many times. Someone who's heart is protected. Despite how much she socializes with people, she withstands the fact that her studies come first in line over everything else.


I do like you. Just pretending is/might not work for me. There are feeling for you. I'm aware of that cause' each and every time your not near, i tend to miss you. Messaging each other has become like an everyday routine to me, for this i blame you. You're the one that made me fall for you. You're the one whom i constantly turn to these days. You're the one to blame for what I'm feeling right now.


But that's not the problem.


The main problem is that i don't want to be committed now. I want to feel free, to feel the freedom. I want to be free from all the heartache, the pain, the crying that lasts for many nights, the fights, the jealousy and everything that revolves around it. I want to do whatever i want and not have someone to judge me about it. I want to be able to hang out with whomever i want with nobody to answer to at the end of the day. Though i have to admit that at times, lonely night do come my way. But I'm still in content. For there's practically nothing to complain about. I just need to end this chapter of continuous complication.... starting now.